Gospel singer, Bolaji Dekunle-Oniyo, aka Psalmos, and her producer hubby, Adekunle Dekunle-Oniyo, tell TOFARATI IGE about the golden moments in their marriage.
How did you meet your husband?
Psalmos: I met him in
my former church actually and we were in the choir together. Later, we
started working together professionally and he was producing my songs.
my former church actually and we were in the choir together. Later, we
started working together professionally and he was producing my songs.
What would you say was the point of attraction for you?
Psalmos: I was
attracted by his looks obviously, and he is talented. He is also very
passionate about what he does. Those days, whenever I got to church, I
always saw him practising on the keyboard, or trying to do one thing or
the other. My instincts also told me he is the one for me, because I
have always been a lover of music.
attracted by his looks obviously, and he is talented. He is also very
passionate about what he does. Those days, whenever I got to church, I
always saw him practising on the keyboard, or trying to do one thing or
the other. My instincts also told me he is the one for me, because I
have always been a lover of music.
Adekunle: I would say
it was her beauty that captivated me. I didn’t really know when she
joined the choir, because I was there before her. I was just talking to
my nephew one day when I saw her, and I asked, “Who is this beautiful
girl?”
it was her beauty that captivated me. I didn’t really know when she
joined the choir, because I was there before her. I was just talking to
my nephew one day when I saw her, and I asked, “Who is this beautiful
girl?”
For how long did you court before getting married?
Psalmos: We courted for about three years, and we have been married for nine years.
What convinced you that your spouse was the one for you?
Adekunle: We started
dating about six months after we met, and we had a pretty long
courtship. At the time I proposed to her, I already knew the type of
personality she had. She doesn’t tell lies. I watched her closely, and I
also prayed about it. I later got the signs I wanted.
dating about six months after we met, and we had a pretty long
courtship. At the time I proposed to her, I already knew the type of
personality she had. She doesn’t tell lies. I watched her closely, and I
also prayed about it. I later got the signs I wanted.
How did you propose to her?
Adekunle: My proposal
wasn’t official. It was awkward but I did anyway. On that day, we went
for rehearsals, and after that, we went to eat Amala. It was while we
were eating that I proposed to her.
wasn’t official. It was awkward but I did anyway. On that day, we went
for rehearsals, and after that, we went to eat Amala. It was while we
were eating that I proposed to her.
How would you describe your marital journey in the past nine years?
Adekunle: I believe I
got married to the right person. When you get married to the right
person, with the right motive, understanding and intention, you would
enjoy your union. Sometimes, God has a way of disappointing people when
they go into marriage because of reasons that are not Biblical and
godly. So far, we have enjoyed ourselves. I am not saying that
everything has been perfect. We’ve had our moments, but we always stick
together. That has made us stronger.
got married to the right person. When you get married to the right
person, with the right motive, understanding and intention, you would
enjoy your union. Sometimes, God has a way of disappointing people when
they go into marriage because of reasons that are not Biblical and
godly. So far, we have enjoyed ourselves. I am not saying that
everything has been perfect. We’ve had our moments, but we always stick
together. That has made us stronger.
Psalmos: It has been
wonderful. We have had our ups and downs, but it has been a learning
experience for us. We have learnt a lot in this marriage and whenever we
give marital advice to people, it seems as if we have been married for
ages. When we first got married, it was quite challenging because it was
a case of two strong, tough, and hot people coming together. We are now
more mature. We get angry at each other, but we always end it with
laughter.
wonderful. We have had our ups and downs, but it has been a learning
experience for us. We have learnt a lot in this marriage and whenever we
give marital advice to people, it seems as if we have been married for
ages. When we first got married, it was quite challenging because it was
a case of two strong, tough, and hot people coming together. We are now
more mature. We get angry at each other, but we always end it with
laughter.
Whenever you have disagreements, who is usually the first to apologise?
Psalmos: He has always
been the one. He is quick to say sorry, and I am learning from him. It’s
not like he doesn’t get angry, but he knows how to control his anger.
been the one. He is quick to say sorry, and I am learning from him. It’s
not like he doesn’t get angry, but he knows how to control his anger.
Can you recall the first major disagreement you had in marriage was about?
Psalmos: No, we can’t really recall. Getting married means that you have to forgive and forget.
How would you describe your personalities before you got married?
Adekunle: I am a
disciplined person and she is also that way; she can snap at any time.
Every man should go into marriage with the understanding that a woman is
the weaker vessel. Whatever you do to justify your anger won’t be fair
as a man. Whenever we have issues, that’s part of what motivates me to
say sorry.
disciplined person and she is also that way; she can snap at any time.
Every man should go into marriage with the understanding that a woman is
the weaker vessel. Whatever you do to justify your anger won’t be fair
as a man. Whenever we have issues, that’s part of what motivates me to
say sorry.
Psalmos: He has actually said it all because he is gentle and he is the one that makes me very humble.
Do you have pet names for each other?
Psalmos: We both call ourselves ‘baby.’ Whenever I call his name, he knows that there is a serious matter.
How have you been able to manage working together as husband and wife?
Psalmos: Like I said
earlier, music is one of the things that brought us together. We both
love music passionately and we enjoy working together. We have a studio
in the house; so, that makes things easier for us. He complements me in
music. When I am writing a song and I don’t get it right, he finishes it
for me.
earlier, music is one of the things that brought us together. We both
love music passionately and we enjoy working together. We have a studio
in the house; so, that makes things easier for us. He complements me in
music. When I am writing a song and I don’t get it right, he finishes it
for me.
Adekunle: I never
wanted to marry a woman that is in my field, because I believe every
musician uses 50 per cent of their privacy for their music and when they
don’t get it, their music dies. Sometimes we clash, but we always
manage it. She always brings out the best in me.
wanted to marry a woman that is in my field, because I believe every
musician uses 50 per cent of their privacy for their music and when they
don’t get it, their music dies. Sometimes we clash, but we always
manage it. She always brings out the best in me.
What challenges have you had to contend with in the course of your marriage?
Psalmos: We have been
married for nine years but we had to wait for six years before we
started having children. We believed God for six years before we had a
child. That alone can break a marriage but we stuck together because we
love ourselves. There was a lot of pressure from friends and family but
we decided to stick together. When God sees genuine love, He dwells
there. I am sure He saw that we love each other and he decided to bless
us. Now, we have a son and daughter. When we got married, we didn’t have
anything. We didn’t even have a mattress, so we were sleeping on the
rug.
married for nine years but we had to wait for six years before we
started having children. We believed God for six years before we had a
child. That alone can break a marriage but we stuck together because we
love ourselves. There was a lot of pressure from friends and family but
we decided to stick together. When God sees genuine love, He dwells
there. I am sure He saw that we love each other and he decided to bless
us. Now, we have a son and daughter. When we got married, we didn’t have
anything. We didn’t even have a mattress, so we were sleeping on the
rug.
What were some of the
challenges you faced during the six years while waiting for a child, and
how were you able to overcome them?
challenges you faced during the six years while waiting for a child, and
how were you able to overcome them?
Adekunle: There were a
lot of challenges. At a time when my wife travelled, some people were
telling her to leave me, that I was not her ordained husband. People
were using God’s name to say all sorts of things. When some people are
trying to force you do things, they can go to any length to see you do
that. That is why when you are married, you should have a relationship
with God, especially for the man. If you have a relationship with God,
when your woman talks to you, you will tell her some things to convince
her. There are some things my wife would not have the strength to carry,
and I have to encourage her at such times. We had several issues with
our respective families over this matter and at a point, some funny guys
started coming into the picture, and they even tell me. That’s why it
is very important to trust your spouse. Sometimes, when my wife travels
for ministrations abroad, she stays with men, and she would even be the
one asking me why I don’t check on her regularly. I would then tell her
that communication across borders is expensive but I always make sure we
talk at least once daily. Some of the things we see in marriage are not
driven by the way we are, it is driven by what we have settled
spiritually. Once you settle some things spiritually, it will manifest
like that physically. It is not only in marriage but in every aspect of
our lives. We just have to allow God to do the work for us. God really
helped; in fact, I can’t even imagine how we survived it.
lot of challenges. At a time when my wife travelled, some people were
telling her to leave me, that I was not her ordained husband. People
were using God’s name to say all sorts of things. When some people are
trying to force you do things, they can go to any length to see you do
that. That is why when you are married, you should have a relationship
with God, especially for the man. If you have a relationship with God,
when your woman talks to you, you will tell her some things to convince
her. There are some things my wife would not have the strength to carry,
and I have to encourage her at such times. We had several issues with
our respective families over this matter and at a point, some funny guys
started coming into the picture, and they even tell me. That’s why it
is very important to trust your spouse. Sometimes, when my wife travels
for ministrations abroad, she stays with men, and she would even be the
one asking me why I don’t check on her regularly. I would then tell her
that communication across borders is expensive but I always make sure we
talk at least once daily. Some of the things we see in marriage are not
driven by the way we are, it is driven by what we have settled
spiritually. Once you settle some things spiritually, it will manifest
like that physically. It is not only in marriage but in every aspect of
our lives. We just have to allow God to do the work for us. God really
helped; in fact, I can’t even imagine how we survived it.
Do you have any special way you celebrate your wedding anniversary?
Adekunle: We don’t
really do anything special to celebrate our wedding anniversaries. We
are romantic but we don’t do some things the way the world expects us
to.
really do anything special to celebrate our wedding anniversaries. We
are romantic but we don’t do some things the way the world expects us
to.
How do you unwind?
Psalmos: We unwind
every day. Sometimes, we could just decide to be dancing at home, or he
could decide to cook for the house. We also go out sometimes, and at
other times, we play with our children. Whenever we go outside Lagos for
ministrations and we are lodged in hotels, we seize those moments to
unwind. We don’t wait for special days; we unwind all the time.
every day. Sometimes, we could just decide to be dancing at home, or he
could decide to cook for the house. We also go out sometimes, and at
other times, we play with our children. Whenever we go outside Lagos for
ministrations and we are lodged in hotels, we seize those moments to
unwind. We don’t wait for special days; we unwind all the time.
What are your favourite meals?
Psalmos: He likes beans
and fried plantain (dodo), and he has made me to start eating beans and
dodo all the time too. As for me, I love solid foods with good soup.
and fried plantain (dodo), and he has made me to start eating beans and
dodo all the time too. As for me, I love solid foods with good soup.
Can you recall some of the memorable moments of your marriage so far?
Psalmos: We have a lot
of those because we spend most times together and we have been through a
lot together. I remember that I had my first son through Caesarian
Section, and I told the doctor that I wanted my husband to be in the
theatre with me. He was in there with me and knowing that he was right
there meant a lot, though he was scared through it all. Those are some
of the moments I cherish most, and when I came out of the surgery, he
was the one telling me everything that happened. We are more like
siblings. He was also with me when I had my second child. Those are
things that money cannot buy. Even our families know that we always want
to be together, and some of them are learning from us in that regard.
of those because we spend most times together and we have been through a
lot together. I remember that I had my first son through Caesarian
Section, and I told the doctor that I wanted my husband to be in the
theatre with me. He was in there with me and knowing that he was right
there meant a lot, though he was scared through it all. Those are some
of the moments I cherish most, and when I came out of the surgery, he
was the one telling me everything that happened. We are more like
siblings. He was also with me when I had my second child. Those are
things that money cannot buy. Even our families know that we always want
to be together, and some of them are learning from us in that regard.
How has the birth of your children impacted on your marriage?
Psalmos: Even though we
waited for six years, we had imagined them spiritually before they
came, but their births have added more responsibilities. Having our
children has made me to know my husband in another dimension. I didn’t
know that he could bath a child or do some chores but when I gave birth,
he was the one who gave our first child his first bath. We always help
each other and sometimes, it affects his job because he had to delay
some assignments to attend to us. He is a good father and husband.
waited for six years, we had imagined them spiritually before they
came, but their births have added more responsibilities. Having our
children has made me to know my husband in another dimension. I didn’t
know that he could bath a child or do some chores but when I gave birth,
he was the one who gave our first child his first bath. We always help
each other and sometimes, it affects his job because he had to delay
some assignments to attend to us. He is a good father and husband.
Adekunle: Very
positively; it has made my wife to calm down. When a woman gives birth,
she becomes calmer. Children bring a lot of joy. Initially, it made her
not to function well in her career, but everything is blending now.
Everything is normal and perfect.
positively; it has made my wife to calm down. When a woman gives birth,
she becomes calmer. Children bring a lot of joy. Initially, it made her
not to function well in her career, but everything is blending now.
Everything is normal and perfect.