his own wife. His specification of a wife material was a graduate. The
moment he saw her, he knew he had found his bride. That brief
introduction on that fateful day by a cousin has yielded fruits that
lasted up to two decades and two years.
beloved wife, Ngozi Esther nee Nze. They are proud parents of four
healthy boys in their 22 years of marriage.
River local govt area of Enugu state. He is a businessman, and his wife
is a graduate of University of Nigeria, Nsukka, Enugu State. They
shared their experiences with JOSFYN UBA.
had a shop at Kirikiri road. So, on this particular day, she came to
visit a friend of hers. I didn’t know who she was. Coincidentally, she
was a sister to my very good friend, Emeka Nze but I didn’t know.
had found my wife. After, her friend had introduced her to me, we
instantly started chatting. Normally, one thing led to another and we
continued. And here we are today, two decades and two years down the
line and we are still counting. We give God the glory.
courted because when I met her, she was an undergraduate at the
University of Nigeria, Nsukka. We courted for about three years because
she was schooling, while I was in Lagos.
on a seemingly endless strike, so I visited a friend of mine named
Maureen and my brother had earlier asked me to visit one of our town’s
guys. That was where I met my husband. My cousin introduced us and he
realised that I was a sister to his friend, Emeka Nze.
undergraduate and that I am a native of Achii. He smiled and said that
he had found his wife. He noted that I suited him so well and expressed
his desire to marry me instantly.
as if he couldn’t get any other girl in Lagos but he found me suitable
in spite of the distance between us. I knew that he was serious about
his intentions. I thank God today that, that brief encounter has brought
us this far, two decades and some years and we are still together.
Thanks be to God.
determined to find my own wife. My specification of a wife material was
first, a lady who is a graduate. Even if the person was an
undergraduate, it was okay. And when I met her, she was at the
university, so she fitted into what I wanted. I liked what I saw and
that was it.
saw him, nothing much attracted me but as we moved on, I saw that he is a
caring loving man. Most importantly was the fact that he would boldly
come to our house to look for me then. That’s a point I won’t forget
because if he were to “play away” with me, he would not have come out
boldly to see me. That was enough indication that he was really serious.
boy-meet-girl, naturally. I saw her and liked her and we talked. As we
chatted, she later found out that we were from the same town. And then,
having known the family background since her brother was my very good
friend, (even though, I didn’t know she was my friend’s younger sister
before I approached,) all that was convincing for me as far as her
background was concerned. So, that was more like what cemented our
needed time to study him and be sure of him since I wasn’t really ready
to marry at that time. I had always wanted to complete my studies
before getting married but since he came with
sincere intentions, I had to give him a chance. We courted for some
years before getting married and I am glad that it was worth my while.
time went on, I knew I had found a good man. He is loving and kind. His
anger doesn’t last and he is quite caring for his family.
of challenges. There was no stumbling block as such because in my
family, we all enjoy the privilege of personal choices when it comes to
marriage. In my family, it is not as if our parents would set agenda
that they have found a wife for you. So, I won’t say there was any
opposition. My choice remained my choice
the Almighty. But beyond that, I saw marriage from my parent’s
perspective in the context of staying together against all odds. You
marry for better or for worse. So, when I was ready for marriage, I was
determined that we would stick together, no matter the odds. I know that
no two marriages are the same. For me, the concept of marriage is
if you understand the concept of marriage, you would understand that
two people coming from different backgrounds would need time to blend.
And even as much as they tend to understand each other. Even siblings or
twins quarrel, let alone, two people from different backgrounds.
disagree to agree. That has helped us. Above all, the grace of God has
been our strength these two decades and two years of our marital
university when we had our first child. The school was on a long strike
which was to our advantage. If I remember very well, I think the strike
lasted about three to four months.
much… She was in the East with her parents who precisely were residing
at Nsukka, while I was in Lagos. But when she was about to deliver the
child, she moved to Abakiliki, Ebonyi State to stay with my family where
she delivered. Even after birth, the strike continued for another two
or three months. And it really suited us greatly. I visited them after
been wonderful and fruitful for me. Nothing is more joyful and
fulfilling than having children in a marriage. I would say that we have
been immensely blessed in this union. Even when I was pregnant, I would
go about my duties calmly and I gave birth successfully. Everything in
marriage is not about money. Its been joy for me.
always come and when it does, I don’t find it difficult to say I am
sorry. We might disagree, quarrel but by the time, I go out and return, I
have a way of playing with my wife and mending fences. And before you
know it, you are back together again
journey. It is a an enduring partnership of man and wife. It is a life
long journey where you start on a small scale and grow gradually.
There’s nobody who would claim he has had a degree in marriage and no
two marriages are the same
like a blind date. It is like a wrapped parcel that no one has an idea
of the content. Whatever the content is upon unwrapping it, you would
gladly accept it. But if you have that firm resolve that you want the
marriage to go on, you need patience and tolerance. However, the greatest
gift that any couple would pray for is the grace of God to help them
through the race because it is not easy. You need endurance too.
time I ever thought of walking away because I strongly don’t believe in
divorce. Problems are there to be solved and human beings are to find
solutions for them. When we have any challenge, we always find a way
around it because I see my wife as a sister and friend. Therefore, there
is no going back, and no quitting rather, we seek ways to address the
issue and move on again.
you must really and convincingly love the person you wish to marry. You
must be sure that you can accommodate her in all circumstances. It is
not about lusting over her because of material acquisitions or some
ephemeral things. For a marriage to survive, there must be mutual
respect and tolerance. You should also not marry someone with the
mind-set that he/she will be your cash cow or meal ticket.
norm. Many young people desire to settle down with already-made people.
They only want to marry rich people, they don’t want to start up with
anyone. They don’t want to struggle with a beginner, and
this is dangerous. When you want to marry someone who had been
comfortable all round, it’s what I call marrying for the wrong reasons.
except in the event of violence or threat to life. Otherwise, no
marriage is without challenges. It is your ability to manage your
issues, settle your differences and move on again that makes yours
get from your spouse financially, then, you are planning to fail
because without the money one would not be able to adjust to the family
she is married into, otherwise, you have problems.
children? What makes you think that whatever you can’t endure, your
children will survive it? Except as I said earlier, in the event of
threat to life or violence, you can take a walk, after all, when you are
alive is when you can take care of your kids.
married and that’s it, there is no going back. We are married for better
or for worse. Even if he is not as financially balanced as he was
before, I can never think of leaving my family. And when I remember the
way he was before, I would be consoled knowing that hard times do not
last forever. There is more fulfilment in a union than mere riches.
essentially the grace of God. His grace has been sufficient in all
aspects. Again, the little knowledge about forgiveness also helps me. If
God can forgive all our sins, who am I not to forgive my husband when
he wrongs me? So, forgiveness is key in a marital union because you
forge ahead without bearing grudges.
shouldn’t be mistaken for genuine love. Everybody likes success and for
you to be wealthy, you must be successful. Money activates so many
things in marriage but if you marry essentially because of the person’s
wealth, what happens when there is no money anymore?
must see your spouse as a soul mate and friend because marriage is a
long journey. It takes a lot more than just wealth. There are some
issues in marriage that cannot be solved with money, no matter how
wealthy you are. Marriage is not a quick fix. So, I still say that why
we are recording increase in divorce cases is that many people marry for
the very wrong reasons.
because the men are more physical than the opposite sex. Women are
flippant, they talk more. In
marriage, one needs to endure. You don’t go quarrelling over every
little thing or turn your spouse into a punching bag. You learn how to
manage anger and situations. It is important that when one person is
angry, the other keeps quiet or else the bubble would burst beyond
repairs. If couples respect each other’s feelings, violence in marriages
will be reduced.
relationships when the women are the bread winners. Therefore, their ego
is battered and they feel shameful to voice out. Even when they
complain, they will be made a laughing stock quite unlike the women
whose cases are pronounced.
and in the morning, I prepare and go out, and when return, I must put up
a cheerful countenance as a matter of priority such that my wife would have no
option but to key into my happy mood. I don’t allow our quarrel to last
till sunset. I would play and make it up so that we return to normal.
And it’s been a healthy strategy which has helped us sustain our
marriage this far.
saw marriage from my parents’ perspective and I desired to adopt the
style, somehow for so many reasons. First, I
never saw them fight or engage in violence of any type. I never
witnessed my father raise his hand over my mum. They might disagree but
they would eventually agree. They would talk and sort out their differences together, so I saw marriage from that angle.
that my parents in-law also enjoyed some spousal cordiality so, I loved
it and have always wanted to emulate them. I am glad that our union has
come this far and we are still counting.
I looked out to marry a friend, someone whom I dearly love and whom I
can ultimately grow in life with and in the event of any
misunderstanding, we can sort ourselves out.
going into marriage, they should understand that marriage is an
institution ordained by God, and it will be blissful if they respect
each other’s feelings. It is their duty to make it work and they can
actually work it out to succeed because if you set your mind on it, you
can make it work.
marriage. You must endeavour to listen to each other’s views. Learn to
be patient. If you don’t exercise restraint and patience, small cases
will snowball into uncontrollable situations.