I learned in a very hard way that Nigerian family standard is so over rated.
Before you start fighting your husbands or breaking up your homes
because of ‘family ‘, please make sure they are worth it .
Most times people tend to put their Mother, Father, brothers and
sisters before their husbands, friends and strangers. Why? Because they
are considered family right? But do you know that not everyone that is
related by blood is considered family.
My new definition of family
is that family member or friend that has my interest at heart, that
friend, neighbor, or colleague who calls to check up on me on a regular
basis, that friend, neighbor, or colleague who goes out of their way to
make me happy.
True life story:
girl comes to America at a young age. This young girl is the first
surviving child of her widowed mother so it’s been hammered in to her
head that she has to work hard to take care of her widowed mom and
siblings who are also very young and in school.
This girl is
married with kids, secures a minimum wage job in America sends little
money to mom and siblings even when it was not convenient for her and
This girl decides to go to school and after four years
she graduated and became a Registered Nurse. Damn! Life was good now.
She tells her husband it’s time to file for her mom to come to the
Mind you Mom is in her early fifties always sick,
always in the hospital, infact Mom is still finding it difficult to cope
after her husband’s death. The girl’s husband bluntly refused that her
mom wasn’t coming to their house. The girl insisted and went ahead to
file for her mom.
Immigration process was a bit slow and she came
up with an idea to invite her mom over while the green card was being
processed. As luck May have it her mom got a visa to the United States.
The girl was so excited; she bought a $3000.00 plane ticket for her mom
to come spend Christmas with them. Mind you this was with zero support
of the husband.
Mom arrives the United States and boom there’s
problem and chaos in the house. Husband and Mom are not getting along.
Everyday it is one fight or the other. Husband and wife were at logger
heads. Meanwhile this couple had their own issues before but Mom’s
present escalated everything.
Before you know it husband had filed
for divorce. This girl lost her job, went through a lot of stress.
Finally mom went back to Nigeria after 6 months.
Good news, luck
shines on this girl and she met the man of her dreams who stood by her
and supported her. She gets another job and she bought a ticket for her
mom to come visit for another 6 months. Life became good again.
was called for her interview and was issued a green card. This girl
gets married and has a baby. Baby was just a few months old mom
requested that her daughter pays her salary or she go finds another job
The girl was like mom you need to chill we’re taking care
of you, buying you stuffs that you need, sending money to your kids in
Nigeria so what’s the problem.
To cut a long story short this girl
comes home at 8am one morning after working a night shift only to find
out that her Mom has packed all her stuff and moved out of her house
leaving her 20 months old child laying in bed by herself in the whole
She calls her mom to inquire what happened only for her mom
to tell her that she has moved on with her life. That she got a job as a
live in Nanny in a different city.
me will it be wrong to call Child protective services on such a mom?
Will it be wrong to disown such a mom? Will it be wrong to disown
siblings or family members who directly or indirectly contributed or
instigated such actions?
Tomorrow someone will come and preach the
usual forgive and forget BS. Tomorrow someone will come and preach the
usual she’s still your mom bullcrap.