At the peak of her happiness, Dr Olabisi Igbalajobi, a lecturer
at Joseph Ayo Babalola University lost the treasures that give her joy.
The gifted educationist lost her dear husband barely after three years
of marriage and also lost her job. This devastated her and made her
almost give up on life. She shares her survivor story in this interview with Women of Rubies!
Growing Up
My mum told me as a child that I love to write that many times I
would scribble on the floor and ask her to read out what I had written. I
also loved to gather my friends together and teach them sometimes it
could be in form of a church service (childish plays). I loved group
discussions and most times I used to be the initiator and the lead
discussant. My dad also wanted me to be in the academics and propelled
me towards it. Unfortunately, he died before I bagged my Ph.D. degree.
My mum usually tells me in those days that she saw me as a teacher. So I
would say all these contributed to what I am doing now.
My foray into teaching
I am Olabisi Igbalajobi, born and bred in Lagos on October 2nd
in the late sixties. I am a proud indigene of Efon Alaaye Ekiti state.
My secondary school was at Federal Government Girls’ College Owinni
Hills Oyo, Oyo State. Memories of Oyo days still flood my memories. I
thank God that I was able to graduate from owinni. After secondary
school, JAMB was not so friendly as I could not meet the cut off mark
for my preferred course of study and in my daddy’s voice. “I cannot beg
anyone for your admission, go, prepare and do it next year”. I got an
admission to study Forestry in the then University of Agriculture,
Abeokuta, Ogun State but before resumption when most people asked me
what course I was admitted for majority would say “Ha! Asogbo (Forest
guard) I was devastated and wondered what they meant by such, as God
would have it not quite long I got another admission letter to study
Farm Management and Agricultural Extension at the Federal University of
Technology, Akure. In my first year I told my dad I did not like the
name and would prefer to seek admission at Ife to study Agricultural
Economics. As God would have it not quite long, the nomenclature was
changed. I benefited from the scholars stipend from management as I was a
University Scholar from my second year. Incessant strikes kept us in
school more than necessary, I eventually graduated as the best
graduating student in my class. No wonder I was advised to come back to
the academics by the then Head of Department late Professor P.B.
Imoudu, my daddy wanted it but my husband whom I had married some few
months before the final examination could not withstand a long distant
marriage.
Coping with losing my husband and job loss
October 5 1996 was the beautiful day I married my sweetheart, John
Omotoso Ojo, a God-fearing, devoted, husband and father. However, after
marriage, I could not get a job all through, despite appearing at
several interviews. I remember being told at an interview that people
like me would always go back to the academics, yet I wasn’t employed. I
had my son in October 1997 yet I had no job .My husband was very
supportive and ensured we lacked nothing as far as his purse could take
us. In January 1999, I got pregnant with my daughter still there was no
job. By 9th July 1999, with an almost 2 years old boy, a six
month old pregnancy and still jobless, sweet John bade the world
farewell. Till now, I still cannot understand the circumstances of his
death but one thing it did was to devastate me. I almost went into
depression thank God I was pregnant God used that to help me out,
because I was eager to see the face of the baby conceived in love. It
was not an easy journey when John died but I thank God for my family who
stood by me. On October 5th 1999, my supposed 3rdyear
wedding anniversary, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter (her daddy’s
look alike). I began thereafter to do petty business travelled to
Abeokuta, Cotonou, Togo etc. anywhere I could get things to buy and
sell. I remember very early on my very first trip to Cotonou, my mum
came to my house to pick my daughter and took me to the woman who was
taking me down. It was a very emotional morning; tears filled my eyes
this was 6 months after my daughter’s birth. I did not get back to my
parent’s home till 11: 00pm despite leaving Nigeria at dawn. My baby was
still sucking, my breast were swollen and painful, I got to my parent’s
house to see my dad (God bless his soul) carrying my daughter singing
and dancing to pacify the wailing child. That night we agreed that I
would not embark on such journeys again. Easier said than done, I have
lost count of how many trips I took thereafter.
Taking up another job
Later, I took up a teaching appointment organized by the PTA of a
secondary school not too far from my house. The salary was small (N3500),
but it was better than me sulking at home and wallowing in self-pity as
I had kids to look after. In 200l, I dusted my certificate, rejected
self -pity and depression and went back to school to pursue my master’s
degree. While at this help came through one of the WAEC marking team
heads who informed me of an impending interview in the Ekiti State
Ministry of Education. I was favoured and I taught at the government
Science College Iyin -Ekiti from 2002-2006. While there, I took the
opportunity of enrolling at University of Ado Ekiti (now Ekiti State
Univeristy) for a Post Graduate Diploma course in Education (PGDE). I
resolved to train myself and the children along the way, while I went
back to study, my daughter was with my parents while my son was with my
brother-in-law any opportunity to be together I quickly grabbed, their
long holidays were spent with me. Meanwhile I was still selling clothes
and materials by the side to meet whatever I was earning to sustain the
family.
Enrolling for a Ph.D.
After my masters class, I enrolled for my Ph.D. at FUTA and it was
the year 2006 that Joseph Ayo Babalola University started. I bless God
for the role He allowed the deputy chairman of council and his wife to
play in my life. I got employed brought back my kids and since then I’ve
been enjoying the grace of God in JABU and have also completed my Ph.D.
degree in Agricultural Economics.
My other projects
I have not left business, I still do it. My parents were astute
business people. At my spare time or vacation, I travel within and
outside the country to buy and sell. I also deliver motivational talks,
mentoring young people and sew clothes.
Giving up?
Yes there were times I was at cross roads and felt like giving up but
could not bring myself to doing it. I love my kids so much and they are
my driving hence the strong will and determination to keep pushing,
striving and smiling. No one would ever believe I was going through all
these because for long, I talk about my late husband, John in the
present tense. When women talk about their marital experiences, I
contribute to the conversation as if my marriage was still on. I said to
myself, “After God, the only one who could ever make me happy is me”.
The statement has been working for me because I use it to spurge myself
on.
Commendations are my reward
I have received so many accolades; so many awards but the greatest
reward I have gotten so far are commendations. People rise up to me and
saying ‘Thank you ma, because of you I did not give up, you have been an
inspiration etc.’ All these usually bring tears to my eyes and make me
want to continue doing more and being me.
Challenges of being a lecturer
The major challenge I face in my line of work is the unruly attitude
of students to their studies. I love serious minded and focused students
and most of the students who had undergone tutelage under me will
attest to that fact. I am a principled and highly disciplined teacher
when it comes to my work; I love to impart. It is a passion borne out of
my love for education. I try as much as possible to encourage and
counsel such students. It gives me great pleasure to see them respond
truly to such counsel.
“Stop wailing in self-pity”
My advice to every woman out there who might be facing similar
challenge is this ‘Stop wailing in self-pity’. Stop blaming others for
whatever has happened. One of my favourite mantra is this: When
something is done and you cannot undo it, move ahead”. Some years back I
made a striking statement on a radio show. I said: ‘Your determination
to succeed rests on you. Your kids need you; do not abandon them. Be
resolute, be determined, be prayerful, find something doing and keep
keeping on. Surely there is going to be light at the end of the dark
tunnel.
Being a woman of rubies
What makes me a woman of rubies is that I have gone through great
challenges as a widow and I did not engage in self-pity. With God, I
rose above such challenges and tried as much as possible to survive
despite all odds. I am still pushing on, I am not yet there but I am
better than what I used to be. I thank God I don’t look like what I have
been through. I pray my story challenges, inspire and bless you
Source : www.womenofrubies.com