A
warm grin flashes across her face as she settles into one of the tiny
chairs at a corner of the popular restaurant in Maryland, a bustling
Lagos suburb that cold morning when she met our correspondent. Calm,
cheerful and accommodating, it is hard to imagine the pains Catherine
Adejoke has experienced over the last three years. At 34, she has passed
through the valley of the shadow of death and back. Heartbreaks,
depression and rejection, she has seen it all since May 2, 2012, the day
her life took a tragic and painful turn. The scars still remain fresh
more than three years after that depressing experience.
warm grin flashes across her face as she settles into one of the tiny
chairs at a corner of the popular restaurant in Maryland, a bustling
Lagos suburb that cold morning when she met our correspondent. Calm,
cheerful and accommodating, it is hard to imagine the pains Catherine
Adejoke has experienced over the last three years. At 34, she has passed
through the valley of the shadow of death and back. Heartbreaks,
depression and rejection, she has seen it all since May 2, 2012, the day
her life took a tragic and painful turn. The scars still remain fresh
more than three years after that depressing experience.
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Like
every ambitious young woman, the Ondo State-born lady had dreamt so
much of the day she would be addressed as a ‘Mrs.’. In April 2012 when
she had her formal introduction with her man, Patrick, excitement almost
choked her. She couldn’t wait for their wedding day to arrive later
that year. Her eyes were fixed on their big day together – the day she
would dance and rejoice like never before. Everything was set and it was
only a matter of weeks before dreams became reality. But just when that
special moment appeared to be within reach, tragedy struck. Three years
on, the pains still resonate.
every ambitious young woman, the Ondo State-born lady had dreamt so
much of the day she would be addressed as a ‘Mrs.’. In April 2012 when
she had her formal introduction with her man, Patrick, excitement almost
choked her. She couldn’t wait for their wedding day to arrive later
that year. Her eyes were fixed on their big day together – the day she
would dance and rejoice like never before. Everything was set and it was
only a matter of weeks before dreams became reality. But just when that
special moment appeared to be within reach, tragedy struck. Three years
on, the pains still resonate.
“Patrick and I had just done our
introduction on April 15, 2012 and we were looking forward to our
wedding later that year when suddenly everything changed,” Adejoke tells
our correspondent as she begins her chilling narrative. “He was a
committed police officer and had gone to work on May 2 as usual without
suspecting any danger ahead. He was on a 24-hour shift and was supposed
to come back home the next day. We used to talk on the phone every night
before I sleep but on that evening I called his number so many times
without a response from him. Not suspecting anything, I kept calling his
number because there was something important I needed to discuss with
him. Later, his number wasn’t connecting anymore and I expected as usual
that he would call me back as soon as he discovered I had called him.
But on this occasion, he never called back,” she said, adjusting herself
slowly on the chair as emotions threatened to overwhelm her.
introduction on April 15, 2012 and we were looking forward to our
wedding later that year when suddenly everything changed,” Adejoke tells
our correspondent as she begins her chilling narrative. “He was a
committed police officer and had gone to work on May 2 as usual without
suspecting any danger ahead. He was on a 24-hour shift and was supposed
to come back home the next day. We used to talk on the phone every night
before I sleep but on that evening I called his number so many times
without a response from him. Not suspecting anything, I kept calling his
number because there was something important I needed to discuss with
him. Later, his number wasn’t connecting anymore and I expected as usual
that he would call me back as soon as he discovered I had called him.
But on this occasion, he never called back,” she said, adjusting herself
slowly on the chair as emotions threatened to overwhelm her.
The moments that followed that night were
particularly tensed periods not just for the 34-year-old lady but for
the siblings, parents and friends of her husband-to-be. Unable to reach
him on phone for over one day, a search party was sent to get news from
the Adekunle Police Station, Yaba, Lagos, where he had served as a
sergeant. But after praying all through that night before finally going
to bed, Adejoke, a devout Christian, knew in her spirit something was
wrong. Her worst fears were soon to be confirmed.
particularly tensed periods not just for the 34-year-old lady but for
the siblings, parents and friends of her husband-to-be. Unable to reach
him on phone for over one day, a search party was sent to get news from
the Adekunle Police Station, Yaba, Lagos, where he had served as a
sergeant. But after praying all through that night before finally going
to bed, Adejoke, a devout Christian, knew in her spirit something was
wrong. Her worst fears were soon to be confirmed.
“I woke up very early the next morning
after praying for most of the night but deep within my spirit, I knew
something was wrong. However, I continued to try his number again
thinking maybe I could get through to him,” she continues. “At the
station, his younger brother and some friends who had gone to find out
how he was fairing was told by the policemen on duty that Patrick was on
special duty and that it was only the Divisional Police Officer that
could give further clarifications.
after praying for most of the night but deep within my spirit, I knew
something was wrong. However, I continued to try his number again
thinking maybe I could get through to him,” she continues. “At the
station, his younger brother and some friends who had gone to find out
how he was fairing was told by the policemen on duty that Patrick was on
special duty and that it was only the Divisional Police Officer that
could give further clarifications.
“When they finally met the DPO, he
explained that some robbers were operating around the Makoko area and
that Patrick who was among officers deployed to the scene, tried to
dodge a bullet but fell and hit his head against a big stone. The DPO
told them that he died on the way to the hospital.
explained that some robbers were operating around the Makoko area and
that Patrick who was among officers deployed to the scene, tried to
dodge a bullet but fell and hit his head against a big stone. The DPO
told them that he died on the way to the hospital.
“When I called his brother to find out
what they got from the station, he became hesitant at a point, saying I
should forget about his brother at that moment. Immediately I took a
bike to their mother’s shop at Ketu (Lagos) bus-stop. When I got there,
the place was locked. I went to a place where he and his brothers used
to hang out with their friends and saw a crowd outside. I was terrified.
Somebody rushed towards me and said Patrick, my husband-to-be, was
dead. I can’t remember what happened to me next but by the time I
regained consciousness, I was at home, surrounded by people,” she
recalled painfully.
what they got from the station, he became hesitant at a point, saying I
should forget about his brother at that moment. Immediately I took a
bike to their mother’s shop at Ketu (Lagos) bus-stop. When I got there,
the place was locked. I went to a place where he and his brothers used
to hang out with their friends and saw a crowd outside. I was terrified.
Somebody rushed towards me and said Patrick, my husband-to-be, was
dead. I can’t remember what happened to me next but by the time I
regained consciousness, I was at home, surrounded by people,” she
recalled painfully.
True as it seemed, Adejoke wasn’t going
to believe and accept that indeed her lover and best friend was gone.
All the consolation and heart-lifting talk from friends and relations
didn’t make any meaning to her. She wished the next voice to whisper
into her ears would be Patrick’s. Her spirit was broken.
to believe and accept that indeed her lover and best friend was gone.
All the consolation and heart-lifting talk from friends and relations
didn’t make any meaning to her. She wished the next voice to whisper
into her ears would be Patrick’s. Her spirit was broken.
“Several days after his death, I would
still pick my phone and dial his number in the hope that he would speak
at the other end,” she cuts in, holding firmly to her smart phone which
had been on the table all along. “It was so hard for me to believe that
the man I was due to marry in a matter of weeks was no more.”
still pick my phone and dial his number in the hope that he would speak
at the other end,” she cuts in, holding firmly to her smart phone which
had been on the table all along. “It was so hard for me to believe that
the man I was due to marry in a matter of weeks was no more.”
Adejoke and Patrick had been friends for
16 years and lovers for 12 years. Members of the same church in the
Alapere area of Lagos, their friendship blossomed into a robust
relationship in the years that followed to the admiration of many.
God-fearing and both full of promises – they were the perfect pair. But
Patrick’s death weeks to their wedding punctured what was to be a
blissful journey in matrimony. The woman he left behind has survived
till this moment by divine grace.
16 years and lovers for 12 years. Members of the same church in the
Alapere area of Lagos, their friendship blossomed into a robust
relationship in the years that followed to the admiration of many.
God-fearing and both full of promises – they were the perfect pair. But
Patrick’s death weeks to their wedding punctured what was to be a
blissful journey in matrimony. The woman he left behind has survived
till this moment by divine grace.
“To watch 16 years of my life evaporate
into thin air just like that has not been easy. The reality of his death
hit me so badly that one day as I was going to look for a job; I
suddenly lost concentration and slumped at the bus-stop. I lost a tooth
during that incident. That was how much I had Patrick’s thoughts in my
head. Several times I feared I was going to die the next moment, I
doubted if I was ever going to be able to live beyond those moments. It
is an experience so difficult to put behind,” she said.
into thin air just like that has not been easy. The reality of his death
hit me so badly that one day as I was going to look for a job; I
suddenly lost concentration and slumped at the bus-stop. I lost a tooth
during that incident. That was how much I had Patrick’s thoughts in my
head. Several times I feared I was going to die the next moment, I
doubted if I was ever going to be able to live beyond those moments. It
is an experience so difficult to put behind,” she said.
As those first few nights filled and
padded with the pains of losing her lover gradually gave way to
momentary calm, Adejoke had set sight on the end of a tumultuous dawn –
one she wished never happened in her life. But worse experiences were
soon to come from the most unexpected quarters, compounding her pains
and misery.
padded with the pains of losing her lover gradually gave way to
momentary calm, Adejoke had set sight on the end of a tumultuous dawn –
one she wished never happened in her life. But worse experiences were
soon to come from the most unexpected quarters, compounding her pains
and misery.
“For somebody I had known for 16 years,
all his friends became my friends too. But shortly had he died, they all
distanced themselves from me as if I was a bad omen,” she explains.
“Even his mother made things difficult after being told by a prophet who
said he saw a vision that I was pregnant for Patrick. I was summoned to
a meeting four days after he died. I was there with my mother and
siblings. They told me what the prophet said but I told them that there
had never been a time I was pregnant for their son. They didn’t believe
me and so I left. I noticed that after that day, the mother didn’t want
to see me around again and even the siblings. If I called her phone she
wouldn’t pick and even if one of the children picked, they would tell me
that she wasn’t around.
all his friends became my friends too. But shortly had he died, they all
distanced themselves from me as if I was a bad omen,” she explains.
“Even his mother made things difficult after being told by a prophet who
said he saw a vision that I was pregnant for Patrick. I was summoned to
a meeting four days after he died. I was there with my mother and
siblings. They told me what the prophet said but I told them that there
had never been a time I was pregnant for their son. They didn’t believe
me and so I left. I noticed that after that day, the mother didn’t want
to see me around again and even the siblings. If I called her phone she
wouldn’t pick and even if one of the children picked, they would tell me
that she wasn’t around.
“One of his sisters that I thought was my
friend told some people to warn me not to come to their house anymore
because the only thing that connected us together was Patrick and that
since he was no more, I should not come close to them again. It was a
really traumatic experience for me,” she says.
friend told some people to warn me not to come to their house anymore
because the only thing that connected us together was Patrick and that
since he was no more, I should not come close to them again. It was a
really traumatic experience for me,” she says.
Three years after that agonising
experience, Adejoke is gradually picking up what’s left of her life.
Though, a lot of suitors have flooded her doorpost with request of
marriage, the 34-year-old told Saturday PUNCH that she is
taking things slowly and trusting God for direction so as not to fall
into the wrong hands. She admits that Patrick, her lover of 12 years, is
irreplaceable.
experience, Adejoke is gradually picking up what’s left of her life.
Though, a lot of suitors have flooded her doorpost with request of
marriage, the 34-year-old told Saturday PUNCH that she is
taking things slowly and trusting God for direction so as not to fall
into the wrong hands. She admits that Patrick, her lover of 12 years, is
irreplaceable.
Like Adejoke, Yemisi Olawepo, a
29-year-old woman resident in the Ikorodu area of Lagos, is gradually
bouncing back to life; two years after fate took her on a perilous and
tortuous ride. After preparing for the biggest event of her life for
several weeks and staring her big day in the face, August 11, 2013 sadly
turned out to be a tragic experience for her. A frightening scar on her
left arm remains a huge reminder of the pains Olawepo has lived with
from that point on.
29-year-old woman resident in the Ikorodu area of Lagos, is gradually
bouncing back to life; two years after fate took her on a perilous and
tortuous ride. After preparing for the biggest event of her life for
several weeks and staring her big day in the face, August 11, 2013 sadly
turned out to be a tragic experience for her. A frightening scar on her
left arm remains a huge reminder of the pains Olawepo has lived with
from that point on.
“Everything was set for our wedding on
August 11, 2013 after weeks of intense preparation,” she recalled,
pausing intermittently before continuing with her arresting narrative as
she spoke with our correspondent over the telephone last week. “Dapo
and I were greatly looking forward to that day when we would be man and
wife and live together as one. There was no reason to fear or imagine
that we were going to lose him before that day – there was absolutely no
reason to think that. But on the morning of the eve of our wedding,
everything changed,” she said.
August 11, 2013 after weeks of intense preparation,” she recalled,
pausing intermittently before continuing with her arresting narrative as
she spoke with our correspondent over the telephone last week. “Dapo
and I were greatly looking forward to that day when we would be man and
wife and live together as one. There was no reason to fear or imagine
that we were going to lose him before that day – there was absolutely no
reason to think that. But on the morning of the eve of our wedding,
everything changed,” she said.
Thirty one at the time, Dapo had hopped
on a commercial motorcycle from the Odogunyan area of the city where he
lived to undertake a transaction at his bank around Ikorodu garage that
morning. He was hoping to beat the emerging and stretching traffic,
conclude the transaction on time and head back home to get enough rest
ahead of events lined up for that evening and the next day – his
wedding. Sadly, he never made it back home. Midway into his journey,
just by the slope after the Lagos State Polytechnic axis, tragedy
struck. A speeding heavy duty truck that had lost control, rammed into a
car before emptying its heavy baggage – a 20ft fully loaded container –
on another vehicle and the commercial motorcycle carrying Dapo, ending
his life and marital dreams. “I had left the home for the salon to
quickly fix my nails and tidy up my looks. Suddenly I saw two of his
closest friends and their fiancés hop out of a car in front of the
place. They had gone to check me at home and traced me to the salon.
Immediately I saw their faces, I knew something was wrong. All I
remember after then was that I woke up in the hospital on the evening of
the next day, the day I was supposed to have been married to Dapo,”
Olawepo narrated, her voice slowly growing thin.
on a commercial motorcycle from the Odogunyan area of the city where he
lived to undertake a transaction at his bank around Ikorodu garage that
morning. He was hoping to beat the emerging and stretching traffic,
conclude the transaction on time and head back home to get enough rest
ahead of events lined up for that evening and the next day – his
wedding. Sadly, he never made it back home. Midway into his journey,
just by the slope after the Lagos State Polytechnic axis, tragedy
struck. A speeding heavy duty truck that had lost control, rammed into a
car before emptying its heavy baggage – a 20ft fully loaded container –
on another vehicle and the commercial motorcycle carrying Dapo, ending
his life and marital dreams. “I had left the home for the salon to
quickly fix my nails and tidy up my looks. Suddenly I saw two of his
closest friends and their fiancés hop out of a car in front of the
place. They had gone to check me at home and traced me to the salon.
Immediately I saw their faces, I knew something was wrong. All I
remember after then was that I woke up in the hospital on the evening of
the next day, the day I was supposed to have been married to Dapo,”
Olawepo narrated, her voice slowly growing thin.
Two years after, the 29-year-old told Saturday PUNCH
that the pains remain fresh. She revealed that there are days she still
doubts that her lover and friend was no more and that the events on the
eve of their wedding actually took place. Olawepo wishes she could turn
back the hands of time.
that the pains remain fresh. She revealed that there are days she still
doubts that her lover and friend was no more and that the events on the
eve of their wedding actually took place. Olawepo wishes she could turn
back the hands of time.
“My sisters have been very supportive,”
she chips in. “Without their words of encouragement, maybe I could have
been in a psychiatric home today because of the weight of what I
suffered. But there are still days I cry, loudly and silently, over the
loss of Dapo. He was the only man that I truly loved and to lose him
just hours before our wedding makes it even more painful. I wish I was
his wife for even one day before death took him away. The wound is still
there; his place would be hard to fill.”
she chips in. “Without their words of encouragement, maybe I could have
been in a psychiatric home today because of the weight of what I
suffered. But there are still days I cry, loudly and silently, over the
loss of Dapo. He was the only man that I truly loved and to lose him
just hours before our wedding makes it even more painful. I wish I was
his wife for even one day before death took him away. The wound is still
there; his place would be hard to fill.”
Still hanged inside a transparent nylon
at a corner of her wardrobe, the shiny silky white gown laced with
sparkling stones is the biggest reminder Biobele Ibiba, 33, has of her
lover, Nimi, who was a few days close to being her husband for life
before death crept into the picture.
at a corner of her wardrobe, the shiny silky white gown laced with
sparkling stones is the biggest reminder Biobele Ibiba, 33, has of her
lover, Nimi, who was a few days close to being her husband for life
before death crept into the picture.
Both natives of Abonnema, a riverine
community in Kalabariland, Rivers State, the two had been lovers since
they met at the College of Arts and Science, Port Harcourt, the capital,
in 2007. But two weeks before capping up what would have been the
crowning moment of their relationship; Nimi was felled by bullets from
the guns of clashing cultists in the Diobu area of the capital where he
had gone to visit an uncle in March 2012. Ibiba is still struggling to
cope without her man.
community in Kalabariland, Rivers State, the two had been lovers since
they met at the College of Arts and Science, Port Harcourt, the capital,
in 2007. But two weeks before capping up what would have been the
crowning moment of their relationship; Nimi was felled by bullets from
the guns of clashing cultists in the Diobu area of the capital where he
had gone to visit an uncle in March 2012. Ibiba is still struggling to
cope without her man.
“It was my late mother who broke the news
to me the next day after Nimi was killed,” Ibiba told our correspondent
in a telephone conversation recently. It took spirited efforts and
pleas for her to agree to share her heartbreaking experience. “He went
to visit an uncle in Diobu but was unfortunate to be caught in the
middle of a fight between two cult groups who were shooting
indiscriminately. He died on the spot.
to me the next day after Nimi was killed,” Ibiba told our correspondent
in a telephone conversation recently. It took spirited efforts and
pleas for her to agree to share her heartbreaking experience. “He went
to visit an uncle in Diobu but was unfortunate to be caught in the
middle of a fight between two cult groups who were shooting
indiscriminately. He died on the spot.
“I cannot begin to tell you all that I
passed through after that tragedy, it is not something I would wish for
even my enemy. If crying could bring Nimi back, I think I have shed
enough tears for him to live for another 100 years. I don’t know if I
will ever be able to open my heart to another man. Every morning when I
open my wardrobe and sight the gown I was supposed to wear on our
wedding, I feel a sharp pain in my heart. It is like a reminder of all
what I have been through since the day he died,” she said.
passed through after that tragedy, it is not something I would wish for
even my enemy. If crying could bring Nimi back, I think I have shed
enough tears for him to live for another 100 years. I don’t know if I
will ever be able to open my heart to another man. Every morning when I
open my wardrobe and sight the gown I was supposed to wear on our
wedding, I feel a sharp pain in my heart. It is like a reminder of all
what I have been through since the day he died,” she said.
The story is not different for Austin
Kalamu, a Benue State-born businessman based in Ise, a small town in
Ekiti State who is learning to embrace a new life one year after the
woman he was supposed to marry, Sarah, died two months before their
wedding in a car accident. The young lady, according to Kalamu, who
shared the painful experience with our correspondent a few days ago, was
travelling to meet him in Ekiti after going to visit her family members
in Benue when the tragedy occurred. The businessman still looks back
with regrets.
Kalamu, a Benue State-born businessman based in Ise, a small town in
Ekiti State who is learning to embrace a new life one year after the
woman he was supposed to marry, Sarah, died two months before their
wedding in a car accident. The young lady, according to Kalamu, who
shared the painful experience with our correspondent a few days ago, was
travelling to meet him in Ekiti after going to visit her family members
in Benue when the tragedy occurred. The businessman still looks back
with regrets.
“She died the week we had planned to do
our wedding shopping in Lagos,” he revealed. “The invitation cards for
the wedding were all sent out and all our family and friends were
prepared and looking forward to that day. Our wedding was supposed to be
on the second Saturday of June last year but Sarah died in an accident
while returning from Benue.
our wedding shopping in Lagos,” he revealed. “The invitation cards for
the wedding were all sent out and all our family and friends were
prepared and looking forward to that day. Our wedding was supposed to be
on the second Saturday of June last year but Sarah died in an accident
while returning from Benue.
“I had just opened my shop that afternoon
when I received a call from one of the persons at the scene of the
accident that the person (Sarah) who owned the number had just been
involved in a terrible accident and that they had all been rushed to a
nearby hospital. Five minutes later the man called back to say she was
dead and that only two persons survived the accident. I informed her
family members and the next day we went to the hospital to collect her
body. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life – to
receive the body of a woman I was supposed to marry in less than two
months. I still feel very empty after one year of losing her,” he said.
when I received a call from one of the persons at the scene of the
accident that the person (Sarah) who owned the number had just been
involved in a terrible accident and that they had all been rushed to a
nearby hospital. Five minutes later the man called back to say she was
dead and that only two persons survived the accident. I informed her
family members and the next day we went to the hospital to collect her
body. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life – to
receive the body of a woman I was supposed to marry in less than two
months. I still feel very empty after one year of losing her,” he said.
While the likes of Adejoke, Olawepo,
Ibiba and Kalamu groan and still grief over the tragic demise of their
would-be husbands and wife several years and months after those
heartbreaking experiences, there have indeed been an upsurge of such
painful occurrences in recent times with many of such deaths traced to
the bad state of most roads across the country and the activities of
criminal gangs who stop at nothing to inflict maximum horror on victims
during attacks.
Ibiba and Kalamu groan and still grief over the tragic demise of their
would-be husbands and wife several years and months after those
heartbreaking experiences, there have indeed been an upsurge of such
painful occurrences in recent times with many of such deaths traced to
the bad state of most roads across the country and the activities of
criminal gangs who stop at nothing to inflict maximum horror on victims
during attacks.
Three years after his shocking demise,
relatives and friends of Yusuf Babatunde Babalola are still searching
for answers, begging to know what killed the young man just a few hours
before his wedding.
relatives and friends of Yusuf Babatunde Babalola are still searching
for answers, begging to know what killed the young man just a few hours
before his wedding.
Babalola had woken up on the morning of
July 12, 2012, the day he was supposed to walk his lover, Kudirat, down
the aisle, to a devastating stomach upset. Kudirat, who was said to be
eight-month pregnant at the time, cried out for help after seeing the
pains he was passing through. Babalola died two hours later at a
hospital from causes believed to be poisoning.
July 12, 2012, the day he was supposed to walk his lover, Kudirat, down
the aisle, to a devastating stomach upset. Kudirat, who was said to be
eight-month pregnant at the time, cried out for help after seeing the
pains he was passing through. Babalola died two hours later at a
hospital from causes believed to be poisoning.
Lucy Gbagyo, a Benue native, died in the
Shogunle area of Lagos in December 2014 after jumping from a speeding
commercial bus while on her way to see her fiancé, Philip Nguhwa, few
weeks to their wedding on February 27, 2015 after courting for four
years. The young lady had boarded a vehicle from the Toll Gate end of
the Lagos-Abeokuta Expressway but the driver of the bus had failed to
drop her at her preferred bus-stop despite shouts for him to stop.
Agitated, Gbagyo jumped out of the moving vehicle and sadly to her
death.
Shogunle area of Lagos in December 2014 after jumping from a speeding
commercial bus while on her way to see her fiancé, Philip Nguhwa, few
weeks to their wedding on February 27, 2015 after courting for four
years. The young lady had boarded a vehicle from the Toll Gate end of
the Lagos-Abeokuta Expressway but the driver of the bus had failed to
drop her at her preferred bus-stop despite shouts for him to stop.
Agitated, Gbagyo jumped out of the moving vehicle and sadly to her
death.
“One of the people at the scene of the
accident picked her phone and checked the last dialled number and called
me. He said I should rush down to the bus stop,” Nguhwa, recalls. “When
I got there, I called her name and she opened her eyes faintly and shut
them again. We all carried her into the bus and rushed her to the Lagos
State University Teaching Hospital. We had not gone too far when she
died in the vehicle. When we got to the hospital, she was confirmed dead
on arrival,” he said.
accident picked her phone and checked the last dialled number and called
me. He said I should rush down to the bus stop,” Nguhwa, recalls. “When
I got there, I called her name and she opened her eyes faintly and shut
them again. We all carried her into the bus and rushed her to the Lagos
State University Teaching Hospital. We had not gone too far when she
died in the vehicle. When we got to the hospital, she was confirmed dead
on arrival,” he said.
Wasiu Okanlawon, a young man who worked
as a security guard with a company in Ikeja, Lagos’ capital, was stabbed
to death in July 2015 at about 9:00pm while returning to work with a
female colleague around the Ile Zik area of the city. He was killed
while trying to defend his colleague who some robbers were trying to
rape. Okanlawon would have been married on September 12, a few days from
now had his life not been cut short.
as a security guard with a company in Ikeja, Lagos’ capital, was stabbed
to death in July 2015 at about 9:00pm while returning to work with a
female colleague around the Ile Zik area of the city. He was killed
while trying to defend his colleague who some robbers were trying to
rape. Okanlawon would have been married on September 12, a few days from
now had his life not been cut short.
Also, the life of Engr. Uzochukwu Eze was
also cut short on September 5, 2014 by the bullets of a yet to be
identified gang in a filling station close to Dhamija Bridge at the
Trans-Ekulu area of Enugu State. The gunmen had trailed him to the
filling station that afternoon, shooting him to death barely 24 hours
before he was to marry.
also cut short on September 5, 2014 by the bullets of a yet to be
identified gang in a filling station close to Dhamija Bridge at the
Trans-Ekulu area of Enugu State. The gunmen had trailed him to the
filling station that afternoon, shooting him to death barely 24 hours
before he was to marry.
On December 29, 2014, a hit and run
driver ended the dream and life of Osayi Omoigui, a promising young
woman whose wedding was just 12 days away. Her heartbroken lover, family
members and friends still wish the next knock on the door would be
Omoigui’s. Her tragic demise has left them battling days and nights
filled with grief.
driver ended the dream and life of Osayi Omoigui, a promising young
woman whose wedding was just 12 days away. Her heartbroken lover, family
members and friends still wish the next knock on the door would be
Omoigui’s. Her tragic demise has left them battling days and nights
filled with grief.
Lovelyn Ovat, a bosom friend to the
deceased young woman, poured out her pains on Omoigui’s Facebook page
shortly after her demise.
deceased young woman, poured out her pains on Omoigui’s Facebook page
shortly after her demise.
“I just picked up my own asoebi
and was getting ready to see you on that day when the evil report came
in. Osayi, you prayed for your wedding day to come, we looked forward to
this day but what happened? Osayi what happened? Osayi I am waiting for
a response from you please. The tears can’t stop flowing… Osayi, I
believe you are still sleeping, please tell me when you wake up so that
we can laugh at this joke,” Ovat had written while paying tributes to
her.
and was getting ready to see you on that day when the evil report came
in. Osayi, you prayed for your wedding day to come, we looked forward to
this day but what happened? Osayi what happened? Osayi I am waiting for
a response from you please. The tears can’t stop flowing… Osayi, I
believe you are still sleeping, please tell me when you wake up so that
we can laugh at this joke,” Ovat had written while paying tributes to
her.
Giving an insight into the agony people
who have lost their lovers shortly before their weddings are faced with,
a lecturer at the Department of Sociology, University of Lagos, Dr.
Franca Attoh, told our correspondent that they need the collective
support of not just friends and family members but the society as a
whole to get back on their feet. She identified superstitious belief
held in some Nigerian and African cultures as part of factors
responsible for the dehumanising treatment and stigmatisation people in
this category battle with.
who have lost their lovers shortly before their weddings are faced with,
a lecturer at the Department of Sociology, University of Lagos, Dr.
Franca Attoh, told our correspondent that they need the collective
support of not just friends and family members but the society as a
whole to get back on their feet. She identified superstitious belief
held in some Nigerian and African cultures as part of factors
responsible for the dehumanising treatment and stigmatisation people in
this category battle with.
“Part of the problem is superstition. As a
people, many of us regardless of our educational level still hold on to
certain superstitions and beliefs. If one spouse dies a few days to
their wedding, there is the tendency for the family of the dead to think
and believe that the surviving spouse came with a lot of ill luck and
that explains why you would discover some sort of hostility towards such
person.
people, many of us regardless of our educational level still hold on to
certain superstitions and beliefs. If one spouse dies a few days to
their wedding, there is the tendency for the family of the dead to think
and believe that the surviving spouse came with a lot of ill luck and
that explains why you would discover some sort of hostility towards such
person.
“Despite our education, we are still a
superstitious people. It has a lot to do with our socialisation, our
belief system and cosmology. Rather than look at the psychological
effects of the death on the one who is surviving, we further traumatise
the living.
superstitious people. It has a lot to do with our socialisation, our
belief system and cosmology. Rather than look at the psychological
effects of the death on the one who is surviving, we further traumatise
the living.
“The only way we can come out of this is
through enlightenment. That is where things like dramas, sensitisation
campaigns and programmes by religious organisations must come in. They
need to start talking about all these things to change people’s
perception towards issues like this that are very sensitive. The one who
is alive from the two partners should be helped to recover
psychologically.
through enlightenment. That is where things like dramas, sensitisation
campaigns and programmes by religious organisations must come in. They
need to start talking about all these things to change people’s
perception towards issues like this that are very sensitive. The one who
is alive from the two partners should be helped to recover
psychologically.
“The family of the partner who died are
also in trauma at this stage because they have lost somebody dear to
them and for that reason, they might behave cold towards the surviving
one at this stage. It would take a family that is God-fearing and very
enlightened to understand that it had nothing to do with the surviving
one and that they must also help him or her overcome the loss. But if
the family is not understanding and educated, they could make life
miserable for the one who is living,” she said.
also in trauma at this stage because they have lost somebody dear to
them and for that reason, they might behave cold towards the surviving
one at this stage. It would take a family that is God-fearing and very
enlightened to understand that it had nothing to do with the surviving
one and that they must also help him or her overcome the loss. But if
the family is not understanding and educated, they could make life
miserable for the one who is living,” she said.
A professor of psychology, Oni Fagboungbe, told Saturday PUNCH
that such traumatic experiences if not properly managed, could harm the
mental state of the surviving lover and also lead to psychosis –
madness.
that such traumatic experiences if not properly managed, could harm the
mental state of the surviving lover and also lead to psychosis –
madness.
“This type of experience is surely going
to be a very traumatic one that would not depart from the memories of
the victims for life. Except the person has assistance, it is going to
lead to a lot of negative consequences. Such persons may find it
difficult to love again and it could create fear in them thereby leading
to anxiety.
to be a very traumatic one that would not depart from the memories of
the victims for life. Except the person has assistance, it is going to
lead to a lot of negative consequences. Such persons may find it
difficult to love again and it could create fear in them thereby leading
to anxiety.
“Even when such people love again, any
little thing that happens to their partners would lead to serious
anxiety because they would be desperate not to lose another person again
and this could lead to serious behavioural problems. This type of
situation could lead victims to become alcoholics in a desperate bid to
escape their pains. It would need thorough care and attention to bring
such people out of such situations because when an experience is
traumatic, it is already in the realm of psychosis which is madness.
Except such people get swift help, it could permanently leave them in a
state of psychosis,” he said.
little thing that happens to their partners would lead to serious
anxiety because they would be desperate not to lose another person again
and this could lead to serious behavioural problems. This type of
situation could lead victims to become alcoholics in a desperate bid to
escape their pains. It would need thorough care and attention to bring
such people out of such situations because when an experience is
traumatic, it is already in the realm of psychosis which is madness.
Except such people get swift help, it could permanently leave them in a
state of psychosis,” he said.
A psychiatrist at the Neuropsychiatric
Hospital, Aro, Abeokuta, Ogun State, Dr. Adegboyega Ogunwale, told our
correspondent that such loss could result to restlessness, depression
and suicidal tendencies if not properly managed by appropriate experts.
He agrees with Fagboungbe that the experience could leave victims
battling a host of mental issues as well if not adequately handled.
Hospital, Aro, Abeokuta, Ogun State, Dr. Adegboyega Ogunwale, told our
correspondent that such loss could result to restlessness, depression
and suicidal tendencies if not properly managed by appropriate experts.
He agrees with Fagboungbe that the experience could leave victims
battling a host of mental issues as well if not adequately handled.
“When something like this occurs, some
victims may develop acute stress reaction in which case they would be
numb and witness emotional instability including restlessness, agitation
and other funny behaviours. Some may develop depression and this could
get to the point of being suicidal, ultimately leading to death. Such
people could begin to hear voices of people even that of the one who is
dead, they may begin to see things that others can’t see and also start
suspecting those around them of trying to plot evil against them as a
result of what they have experienced.
victims may develop acute stress reaction in which case they would be
numb and witness emotional instability including restlessness, agitation
and other funny behaviours. Some may develop depression and this could
get to the point of being suicidal, ultimately leading to death. Such
people could begin to hear voices of people even that of the one who is
dead, they may begin to see things that others can’t see and also start
suspecting those around them of trying to plot evil against them as a
result of what they have experienced.
“The first thing to do is to seek
appropriate psycho-social intervention. People think that
neuropsychiatric hospitals are for people who have already gone mad; it
is also for people who are passing through emotional and mental stress.
They need expert help in the way of a psychiatrist or a psychologist.
They might need to be placed on short-term medication and proper
monitoring. The family and community have a major role to play in
helping people like this recover from such devastating loss,” he said.
appropriate psycho-social intervention. People think that
neuropsychiatric hospitals are for people who have already gone mad; it
is also for people who are passing through emotional and mental stress.
They need expert help in the way of a psychiatrist or a psychologist.
They might need to be placed on short-term medication and proper
monitoring. The family and community have a major role to play in
helping people like this recover from such devastating loss,” he said.
Seasoned marriage counsellor and
relationship expert, Pastor Bisi Adewale, explains that dealing with
people who have suffered such tragedies is one of the most difficult
tasks anyone could embark on. He said that it usually takes a lot of
efforts to bring such persons to accept the reality of losing their
lovers a few days to their weddings and moving on with life.
relationship expert, Pastor Bisi Adewale, explains that dealing with
people who have suffered such tragedies is one of the most difficult
tasks anyone could embark on. He said that it usually takes a lot of
efforts to bring such persons to accept the reality of losing their
lovers a few days to their weddings and moving on with life.
“Their situation is almost at the level
of a woman or man that had just lost the husband or wife, so, the type
of counselling you give such people is the same. We try our best to make
them see the positive side of such situation and help them forget about
such tragedies as quickly as possible.
of a woman or man that had just lost the husband or wife, so, the type
of counselling you give such people is the same. We try our best to make
them see the positive side of such situation and help them forget about
such tragedies as quickly as possible.
“The only time when we have problem is
when the lady is pregnant, they are almost inconsolable. That kind of
pregnancy is like a consolation to the family of the dead because they
would feel that the man who had died would have an offspring to keep his
memories alive.
when the lady is pregnant, they are almost inconsolable. That kind of
pregnancy is like a consolation to the family of the dead because they
would feel that the man who had died would have an offspring to keep his
memories alive.
“One of the ways of helping such
traumatised partners is to have them remove everything and items that
would remind them of the wedding that never took place like the gown,
ring and other things including the picture of the dead one. Such person
must also be removed from their immediate environment to begin a new
life entirely.
traumatised partners is to have them remove everything and items that
would remind them of the wedding that never took place like the gown,
ring and other things including the picture of the dead one. Such person
must also be removed from their immediate environment to begin a new
life entirely.
“In the earliest part of such
experiences, people would find it hard to open their heart to someone
else because their lovers did not jilt them but were rather taken away
by death. But with Godly counsel and prayers, they soon learn to accept
the reality and slowly move on with their lives,” he said.
experiences, people would find it hard to open their heart to someone
else because their lovers did not jilt them but were rather taken away
by death. But with Godly counsel and prayers, they soon learn to accept
the reality and slowly move on with their lives,” he said.
According to latest statistics by Psyche
Central, a United States based medical research group, over 25 per cent
of people who suffer some form of depression could develop mental health
issues. Their latest study identifies individuals who have experienced
great loss as being at risk of such health challenges.
Central, a United States based medical research group, over 25 per cent
of people who suffer some form of depression could develop mental health
issues. Their latest study identifies individuals who have experienced
great loss as being at risk of such health challenges.
Though, no data to back up the claim,
experts argue that there are hundreds of young men and women across
Nigeria who are living in perpetual pains and agony as a result of
suffering great losses especially the death of a lover shortly before
their marriages. For such persons, the wounds could take a lifetime to
fully heal up