Ayanna Dookie, 33 thought her man was the perfect guy – until recently. Read her story as shared with the NY
Post below:
It
was an early Sunday morning in April 2008 when I received a text message
from my friend Ryan. “So sorry about what happened,” it read.
“What are you talking about?” was my response.
“Just Google Spike’s real name,” was all Ryan would say.
So
I booted up my computer and typed in the name of my boyfriend of three
years. I froze as I read the chilling words — it said he was “being held
for the murder of his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend.”
It
didn’t make any sense. I was Spike’s girlfriend. I didn’t even have any
ex-boyfriends. The reporter must have made a mistake.
But
it turned out that the news story was correct. Spike had allegedly
killed his girlfriend’s former lover. Except the girlfriend wasn’t me.
Of all the ways to find out that your boyfriend is cheating on you, this
one took the cake.
When I met
Spike in 2004 at the age of 24, I’d never had a real boyfriend. I’d had
countless one-night stands and “uhhh, it’s complicated” situations, but
never anyone steady.
So when I
met Spike at a party and we went out once and then started dating, I
couldn’t believe my luck. He was the boyfriend I’d been craving for
years.
But there were warning signs that things weren’t right.
About
a year into the relationship, a girl I’d never met before took me aside
at a party and said, “I know where I know your boyfriend from.”
The implication was that she’d seen him with another woman.
Without missing a beat, I said, “I don’t want to know,” and walked away.
What was important to me was that I had a man. So what if there were other girls?
I was fine living my life in denial — until that fateful text message.
It
turned out that one of the women who Spike was cheating with had a
crazy ex-boyfriend who broke into her house when he was staying over.
There had been a fight and Spike shot the man eight times, killing him.
At
the time, it was devastating — not because what happened confirmed that
Spike was cheating, but because my boyfriend was locked in jail on
$100,000 bail.
At first, to the
disgust of my friends, I decided to stand by my man. But a couple of
weeks later I had a wake-up call. Did I value myself so little that I
was going to play the part of the loyal girlfriend when he had treated
me so badly?
I never contacted
Spike again, but I heard through the grapevine that his lawyers were
able to get him off on grounds of self-defense.
Now,
I can’t believe that I once suffered from such lack of self-esteem.
Today, I have a steady boyfriend, but I don’t need a boyfriend to define
me. In many ways, Spike did me a favor.