That is the question.
Or maybe it is no more a question than it is a routine, something
that has to happen as soon as you have your baby. It’s the norm to have
mummy come around when daughter has a baby. I never really understood
this tradition. Tradition is what comes to mind when I think about it.
My omugwo came to a sudden halt when Boobman was six weeks old. Good
thing I was paying attention in antenatal classes to be able to carry
the baton and do the do when mummy wasn’t available to pamper me. I did
find the whole experience a bit strange at first though. I wasn’t
bathing Boobman myself, I wasn’t even bathing myself for the first few
days. I was being served breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed. Matter of
fact, all I was doing was breastfeeding Boobman, taking tons of pictures
and making tons of videos. For the first time in the history of my
iPhone, I was getting ‘storage full’ alerts constantly.
So, about the omugwo experience, I asked a lot of questions about my
own birth. Prior to birthing Boobman, I hadn’t bothered about certain
things concerning my own birth, but now it seemed I wanted to know every
tiny detail. I found out I wasn’t breastfed. As in, my mouth didn’t
even touch a nipple. I started to believe that breastfeeding has
something to do with intelligence. Perhaps that’s the explanation for
why I was such a ‘dullinus’ throughout my formal education
experience. Ahhhh yes! It had to be that lack of breast milk that made
it hard for me to assimilate mathematics or sociology.
Then there was guilt. I like to do things for myself. I’m not used to
someone else doing everything for me especially when it comes to my
personal space. Sometimes I would feel guilty I wasn’t going into the
kitchen myself to prepare what I wanted to eat. Sometimes I would not
want the baby crying to wake mummy up at night. Mum had to constantly
explain to me that the whole taking care of a new mummy thing was not
peculiar to me. She said it was normal and the mothers that do it take
pride in being a granny… hmmm.
I still wasn’t buying all that. Not consciously but subconsciously
and when Boobman turned six weeks, Omugwo officially ended. We were left
to figure it all out. We here means the hubby and I.
For the fist two days or so I panicked. I wondered if I was really
ready to do all the things I thought I was ready for. I struggled with
bathing him same time morning and night. I was always tempted to punch
the hubby out of his sleep whenever Boobman did his night rounds and I
was just going through the motions almost getting detached from the
miracle that was my son.
One day, I woke up and made myself a little to do list. It was going
to serve as a routine for Boobman and I. While I couldn’t sleep when the
baby slept as I was advised, I could get some sanity in my life and not
look like I was going to fall apart because I needed to cater to my
infant.
In a few weeks we had fallen into a routine. In this age of
technology, I had come to rely on apps to save the day. I had the ‘what
to expect’ app telling me about milestones and I read other mummy’s
experiences whenever there was something new happening with Boobman. I
had the breastfeeding app to time feedings, monitor sleep routines,
record poos and pees. I also had the ‘Babysparks’ app that suggested
different activities to engage baby during the day.
Life with a newborn became interesting and anytime anyone asked me
how it was, my response was, fantastic. My body had adjusted to waking
when he wakes for feeds. And against advice, I employed a full
attachment parenting style.
I think when it comes to parenting, we judge ourselves too much. And
people judge us too. Mummies are sometimes subconsciously comparing
their kid’s growth and development with that of others in their age
group. You could be standing in the hospital or a supermarket with your
infant in hand and a complete stranger will walk up to you and tell you
how to hold your baby right. Or you visit family and they tell you your
baby looks hungry and you are not feeding him well. Then there is the
matter of exclusive breastfeeding. It seems like this ‘cool club’ a new
mummy has to be a part of. I went to the hospital when Boobman was four
months old for his checkup and the doctor asked if I was breastfeeding
exclusively, I responded in the affirmative and the next thing she asked
if I was sure with a smile. I’m like TF???
We ought to take it easy with ourselves when raising a new life. A
mummy of four once told me to let my intuition lead. She said people
will show up with all sorts of advice and counsel but I ought to listen
to what my gut says. And whether during omugwo or not, I should only
allow what I’m comfortable with to be done to my baby.
Booobman will be six months in a few days and I have learnt in this
short time that when it comes to a baby, the mummy knows what it needs. I
have also learnt that our journeys are different and no two babies are
alike. What works for Boobman at five months may not work for Mrs Jones’
kid even if they were born on the same day. I also know the journey for
new moms are different too. While labour was easy for Mrs Jones, it was
terrible for Mrs Brown. And Mrs Ark having a caesarean section doesn’t
mean the birth of her child isn’t worthy because it wasn’t a vaginal
birth.
Finally, while some have the omugwo for three months at least, others
may have six weeks, yet some may be left to figure it out with the
hubby or by themselves in the case of single mothers. It is all worthy,
they are all variations of normal and we are all doing the best we can.
In the end, we should be thankful for healthy babies and for babies that
didn’t die in the womb or at birth.
To omugwo or not to omugwo still remains my question…
P.S: Is it just me or did you feel like your baby was yours and no one else’s (even the hubby) after you birth her/him?
Cheers.
KendrickzMa