Let me apologize that not much has been heard from me after my last blog, I have been writing exams and it has been wonderful doing academic research to get my usual “A”s in school coupled with my interesting journey to the City of Cape Town for the first time. Details of my Cape Town trip would come up soon in other articles.
I sincerely want to appreciate all those who have taken out time to construct their criticism, that is the essence of the article so that those who don’t know that they don’t know will know and those who know that they don’t know will also know what they wish to know through your responses.
I am one of the people that believe in the grace of a house and would do everything positive to stay within that house as long as I feel the presence of God in it. I got the inspiration for this writing while watching my Nigerian church service online and listening to my Pastor like I always do on Sundays and Tuesday since I decided to stick to my Nigerian church while in South Africa.
While growing up, a lot of us have been cautioned never to look into the eyes of elders while we talk to them and most times, for example, the Yoruba community where I grew up will ask you if you are a witch to have the gut to look into someone’s eyes. I have since found out that this is an intimidating statement that often has a psychological effect on the child while he or she grows.
If you agree with me, most people who were cautioned grew up not able to face the crowd or even speak in public. A lot of them go for interviews (job, school or even visa) and lose out because the interviewer can see how intimidated they are and sometimes feel that they are lairs or unfit for that offer.
Friends, I fought with that spirit of intimidation as a person for years and I know what I am still fighting with today because of statements like that. I have since had to unlearn such habits by the day and hope that one day, I am able to unlearn all negative statement and beliefs that was forced on me by my culture.
I am not a party to condemning culture but I believe that some things must be adjusted to suit our present days. For example, if twins use to be cast to death some 100 years ago and today we can accommodate that change in our culture to spare them as we do today, we can change a lot of things that is dehumanizing for us as young people today. Looking into elders eyes is not equivalent to being rude, it is a sign of communication.
Often times I see people struggle to talk or address their mates in class; I have seen people who cannot address their parents at home, people who cannot make friends because they are afraid and friends who take the advantage to ride on their friend because they can sense intimidation in them. Please read the following carefully and react.
Emotional abuse is not only hurtful but it also attacks and decimates a child’s self-esteem. It is particularly damaging to the child’s sense of self-worth and emotional development. A child who endures emotional abuse can experience long term effects that will carry over into adulthood. The most disturbing part of emotional abuse, though, is that it is very difficult to prove or even recognize. It does not leave bruises or visible scars like physical abuse does.
The effects of emotional abuse can be devastating and difficult to reverse. The body mends, but when the mind, spirit or psychology is broken, it takes a much longer and more difficult road to repair it. Emotional abuse impacts the child’s psychological, emotional, social and cognitive development. The effects may appear immediately and plague the child well into adulthood. Those effects can manifest in the child in some heartbreaking ways. Some common problems that may result from emotional abuse include:
Insecurity
Social Withdrawal
Alcohol Abuse
Poor Self Esteem
Lack of Confidence
Destructive Behavior
Depression
Anti Social Behavior
Impaired Development of Basic Skills
Defiant Behavior Particularly with Authority Figures
Difficulty in Forming and Maintaining Relationships
Unstable Job History
Suicide
These effects may occur in varying degrees, ranging from mild to self-destructive. Sometimes, placing the child in a loving, supportive environment can rebuild what the emotional abuse has torn down, but quite often, professional psychiatric care is necessary.
While emotional abuse does not carry the bruises and scars that are hallmark indicators of typical abuse, there are ways to detect it. The indicators usually depend upon the age of the child, but one of the primary red flags is a child whose behavior is not consistent with his or her age. Some observable indicators of child emotional abuse include:
Rocking
Sucking (thumb, fingers, etc) or Biting His or Her Self
Inappropriate Aggression
Stealing
Lying
Destructive to Other People or to Property
Sleep Disorders
Speech Disorders
Restricts Play Activities or Experiences
Compulsive
Obsessive
Excessive Anger
Has Phobias
Hysterical Outbursts
A child’s behavior can also be a strong indicator of abuse. Some telling behaviors include:
Self Destructive
Withdrawn
Makes Negative Statements about Himself or Herself
Overly Aggressive
Shy or Passive
Cruel to Animals
Overly Demanding
Overly Compliant
Delay in Physical, Mental and Emotional Development
Cruel to Others
Family behaviors can also indicate emotional abuse. If you are in a position to observe the family, some red flags to look for are:
Indifference Toward the Child’s Welfare or Problems
Is Cold Toward the Child
Rejects the Child
Blames the Child
Puts the Child Down
Call the Child Cruel, Damaging or Inappropriate Names
Withholds Affection
Shows Preferential Treatment to Siblings
Friends, if you agree with me, we experience most of this because our culture allows it and we have recycled the behavior to the extent that we also do it to our subordinate. I think the cycle can still stop NOW! What is your take?
By Damilola Apotieri-Abdulai
Twitter: @damilola_a
Damilola Apotieri-Abdulai is Nigeria’s first Applied Dramatist, expert in Drama in Education, Communities and Social Context. He is the CEO of Media Advocacy and Development Initiative (MADinitiative) and a playwright for social transformation. He is a postgraduate student at the DRAMA FOR LIFE, University of the Witwatersrand, Johannesburg, South Africa.
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