A businesswoman, Mrs. Bukola Aliyu, who waited for 13 years before having a child, shares her story with MOTUNRAYO JOEL.
What is your daughter’s name?
Raihana Ayomide Aliyu; she was born on February 28, 2017.
When did you get married?
I got married on February 6, 2003.
You bore a child after 13 years of marriage. How did you remain strong through the years?
It wasn’t an easy period but I had faith
that one day, God would answer me. I tried to keep myself busy with
counselling – I counselled people on various issues. I also tried to go
out frequently; I realised that whenever I stayed at home, I felt more
saddened about my issue. It was a trying period; there were times people
would not want me to hold their children. I was constantly abused and
tormented with hurtful words.
What efforts did you make in trying to conceive?
I went to several hospitals and places
in search of an answer to my need. I underwent several rounds of In
Vitro Fertisation – seven in total.
You mean none of the seven IVF procedures worked?
Yes, I also did four intrauterine
insemination procedures. I also consulted the so-called helpers –the
good and fake ones. My husband and I spent a lot of money within the
period of 13 years. Each IVF procedure cost us about N1.5m; you can
imagine how much we spent on IVF alone. Despite the failed procedures, I
didn’t give up, I kept searching. Each time we tried a process and it
didn’t work, I would almost give up but my husband kept encouraging me.
He was so supportive, if not for him, I would have given up.
How did you feel whenever you saw other women with their babies?
I would pray over their babies with the
hope that I would become a mother someday. I tried as much as possible
to remain confident of the fact’that someday I would hold my own baby.
At some point though, one of my friends brought a pregnant, adolescent
girl to my house. She advised me to adopt the baby when the girl put to
bed – she was seven months pregnant. She said the girl was willing to
sell her baby for N500, 000. I turned down their offer and told them
never to enter my house again. The young girl was so willing to sell her
baby; she was excited. I felt angered by their offer; I kept asking
myself if they thought I would never be able to give birth to a child.
Didn’t you feel bothered by your age?
Yes I did, I was approaching 40 and the
thought of not being able to conceive at 40 was loud and clear in my
head. It was at that point I gave up.
What do you mean?
It was around June/July last year; I got
to a point where I gave up. I lost all hope of becoming a mother. I was
fed up searching and trying to conceive by all means. My husband and I
kept pushing hard – spending money, only to meet a brick wall. One
night, I cried and cried and said all sorts to God. I challenged God; I
said I was tired of trying to become a mother. I practically lost hope; I
stopped praying. I knew I was approaching 40 and I told God that he if
didn’t give me a child before I turned 40, He better not bother again. I
was frustrated. To my surprise, that period, I conceived.
How did you learn you were pregnant?
I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was
about three months into my nine-month journey. I realised I had missed
my menstrual period. Even when that happened, I still doubted that I was
pregnant because I hadn’t begun to experience morning sickness. I went
for pregnancy test but refused to collect the result. I didn’t want to
hear ‘you are not pregnant’ again. The night I was rushed to a hospital
was when the doctor confirmed to me that I was pregnant. I didn’t
believe him; I kept telling him I had malaria.
How did your husband react when he learnt you were pregnant?
I was on bed rest; I was too tired to observe his reaction. But I’m sure he was excited.
How did you feel being pregnant?
I was so excited; in fact words fail me
to express myself. I was so anxious to see my growing tummy. I kept
analysing my tummy. My neighbours too were excited. I didn’t let people
observe my growing tummy until I was seven months pregnant. The day my
neighbours saw me taking a walk, they gathered around me; there was a
huge crowd, I felt so embarrassed. That was the last time they saw me
take a walk. I preferred to take walks at night.
Were you concerned about the sex of your baby?
No, I made sure I didn’t check the sex
of my baby. All I did was to buy unisex clothes. I wasn’t bothered if I
was pregnant with a boy or girl. I had waited 13 years to have a child;
the sex of my baby was not a priority to me.
How was your pregnancy journey?
After the day I was admitted in the hospital, I began to experience severe morning sickness but I was glad to experience it.
How did you feel when you held your baby in your arms for the first time?
Immediately after my operation, (I had a
caesarean section) I told the doctor I wanted to hold my baby in my
arms. I held her with the umbilical cord dangling and blood all over her
body. The doctors and nurses were surprised at my action – they didn’t
know I had waited for 13 years to experience that scene. Even when they
took her from me to bathe her, I felt they took a long time. I just kept
staring into her eyes; I cried from 10am to 6pm. My mother bought
N4,000 worth of airtime to call people; she was overjoyed.
How many children do you hope to have?
I want to have as many as possible. If God decides to give me seven children, I’ll be happy.
What is your advice to other women who are hoping children?
They should be careful of fake doctors;
many of them are out to exploit women. While I was running to different
places in search of a solution to my need, I met people who told me to
do all sorts. One told me to dry my faeces and take it with pap. I’m
glad I didn’t listen to any of them. Patience is an important virtue in
the journey of waiting to have children; women who are hoping to bear
children should have patience. They should live a happy life.
Who does your baby resemble between you and your husband?
She looks like her father; he is so happy about that. He helps me in taking care of her; he changes her diapers.