For the Newbies, the WAITING and LOVING IT series on the 1+theOne Blog, is all about couples that waited till their wedding night - how they overcame the challenges etc.
These couple are featured to inspire you to believe that by God's grace it is possible to wait to have sex after marriage.
Sewa - Hiya! My name is Adesewa Olubiyi. I’m 27 years old, a Law graduate and I work in the city of London within the financial services sector. I have been married to my hubby for 4 years now to the glory of God and we are blessed with a son. I am a chorister and worship leader in my church. I also run a fashion styling, wardrobe management and wig making business. I enjoy singing, shopping and meeting people. I also enjoy counselling people in relationships.
|Sewa Olubiyi 'Fashionista'|
Olaolu - Hi, I'm Olaolu Olubiyi. I’m a Solicitor, a go getter, a worshipper and I love my Baby – Adesewa very much. My hobbies are reading and travelling. I used to support Arsenal football team, but now I support any team that plays well after experiencing several heartbreaks with Arsenal.
Sewa: Ok so I attended my current church (RCCG) with my family in 2006 and when we walked in as first timers, the ushers greeted us and led us to our seats. My hubby was the head of the Singles' department and also a worship leader. The choir was ministering when we walked in and I noticed a guy (my husband) with a black suit and white shirt and a red tie on the stage. (You remember what he was wearing?!! Lol) He was standing at the far end. He was looking very very handsome and was the only guy on the stage among so many ladies in the choir. That was when I noticed him and nothing more crossed my mind. I just thought to myself, "The only guy in the choir... wow!"
On the choir practice day, (which happened to be the same day as my hubby’s birthday in the choir), I still didn’t know his name. I just attended the choir practice for the first time and I was told it was Laolu’s birthday and someone explained to me that Laolu was the guy in the choir, so I knew it was him. I was told to sign a card that they got for him which I did. (We still have that card at home and of course so many cards after that). So they served refreshments and celebrated it for him. However, we did not speak to each other even though I had signed his card. The following Sunday, he came to introduce himself as the head of the Singles' department and asked for my number and said to me that he does follow up of all the new singles / youth that join the church. He then called me the very next day – a Monday and left a voicemail as I was not available to pick up the phone. When I heard his voice, my heart melted. I could not hear most of what he said but I kept playing the message over and over and over again and blushing that this very handsome guy had called me. I felt really important. I was getting butterflies. So I returned his call and it went to voicemail too. I also left a voicemail. Eventually we got talking but whenever we saw each other at church or choir practice, we never spoke for some reason. I used to find it difficult to look into his eyes then. I struggled to look at him which is probably why we just never spoke. There was always this fire that ignited or spark that came out of his eyes whenever we looked at each other by mistake. So to avoid that spark, I just never looked at his direction. I really couldn’t look at him for a long time in the relationship. We would go home and start chatting via Yahoo messenger about how choir practice went, etc. and what we thought of the service or the message. As I was very young then, I was only partially involved in the Singles activities and so he would call me to tell me everything and how the programs I didn’t attend, went etc. I would rush home from College just to be able to sign on to Yahoo messenger cause I knew he was online from time to time because of his Law School studies then, to send me chats and it was so cool chatting with him for hours non-stop. All these while we were still ‘friends’. Then one day, he started chatting to me on messenger saying ‘you make my heart melt’, ‘you make me shiver’ etc blah blah blah and that was when he asked me out to be his girlfriend and the godly courtship / relationship of 5 – 6 years started. We have now been married for 4 years.
|Hopefully, you're able to look into his eyes now :-)|
Olaolu: It was a summer evening on a Thursday – our usual choir practice day which happened to be my birthday when my Baby walked into the church hall. Unknown to me, she was joining the choir for the first time and no one had told me about her or anything.
She was wearing a black top and green bottoms and I was singing on the stage when she walked in. She then went to pick up something by the side of the Ushers' department table, and that was when I set my eyes on her as she walked passed and I REALLY noticed her. There was an immediate skipping beat in my heart even though she didn’t see me or notice me that evening. Later that week after the Sunday service, I stylishly approached her to collect her number under the guise of ‘following up’, for the Singles' department because I was the head of the Singles department at the time. That was when the journey started. Several calls, texts, and Yahoo messenger chats later, we became an inseparable item! We courted for 5 – 6 years in the godly Christian way. The rest they say is history. We have been married for 4 years and it feels just like yesterday.
|The rest they say is history....|
Olaolu: Ahhh! It was her sexy eyes and that innocent beauty she has. . I just could not keep my heart beat under control. I also had to be careful not to be too carried away.
Sewa: For me, it was his love for God. His gentle and calm nature, also the fact that he was and is still an ardent worshipper, The way he pours his heart out to God and sweats when he leads praise and worship. He gives it his ultimate energy. He’s a man after God’s heart. And to me that is very sexy. He’s also got that sexy Jesus Boy Look and cute eyes.
Sexy Jesus Boy Look (SJBL), that's a new one! :-) So apart from the obvious attraction points, what were the other qualities that made you know that this is the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with?
Sewa: I realised that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him because we had courted and had been friends for so long, and although there were many guys from all walks of life (both celebrities and normal guys), interested in me at the time, he was different. There was just something so genuine about him, his attitude to the things of God, his selfless love for me. He was my brother, my best friend, my gossip buddy, my go-to person all rolled into one and I had grown to love him more because he was just always there for me. I remember even during my college days, he would study with me as I was reading Law and he was a Law graduate so he really helped to mould and shape me, my orientation about life, my studies and so on. He is just simply the best.
Awwww, that's lovely!
Olaolu: I had been spending time in prayers before then for God’s will to be done in my life. I did not know how or when but in my walk with God he had and still always does things for me at his own right time. There was a time we had a conversation and I had a lot on my mind. I had been fasting and praying and at that stage I asked God for a clear sign that if this, this and this happened, then I knew she was the one. Almost immediately it happened, exactly how I had asked God. I got my clear confirmation that she was the one and there was no going back. I keep sinking into the ocean of love and joy with my wifey every single day. I have not looked back since.
|No looking back... Just looking forward!|
Sewa and Olaolu: Waiting was an important part of our Christian journey. We wanted to look forward to something special. There was no point trying what you will still enjoy later and we looked forward to the goal. It wasn’t easy but boundaries were set to ensure that the ultimate goal was achieved. There was no point going into something that after the wedding it would just be a case of ‘continuing’ from where we stopped. We felt it wouldn't feel special anymore. The thought of falling was also a very scary one and neither of us wanted to bear the consequences. The fact that we are also worship leaders would have made it very hypocritical lifting up ‘holy hands’ in church when we knew we were not living holy. So there was no way we would defile ourselves in that way.
(Sewa) On my own part, my parents had drummed it into me from a very young age that the wedding bed must be undefiled and that I had to keep myself and preserve myself for only my husband and no one else. My mum had told me of consequences of spiritual soul ties and repercussions which I definitely did not want to dabble with.
That's great, thank God for making it possible and giving you the grace to go through with your decision. However, was it smooth-sailing or was there a time you wanted to throw in the towel?
Sewa: Oh yes it was extremely hard especially because we were so attracted to each other. There were tears. Lots of tears lol especially in the cold nights of winter when we go out after a lovely meal! The desire was very strong! But with God’s help we overcame the strong desires and temptation! When one person was weak, the other was strong for both of us. The words I remembered when I faced these temptations were ‘of what gain is few minutes of pleasure for eternal regret and condemnation?' The consequences were not worth it. I also believed keeping it was the best gift I could ever give my husband and I had made up my mind that there was no question about it.
Olaolu: It was very hard, several times, but I just relied on God to see me through. I also encouraged myself that I am having this forever so why rush into it!
What practical measures did you take to ensure that you stuck by your decision?
Sewa and Laolu: We made up our minds that the foundation of our marriage had to be firm, right and rooted in God. The practical measures we took were that we ensured that our Pastors were very much involved in our relationship from the start and were able to guide and counsel us during difficult moments. They were always only a call away. We also had great Counsellors/mentors along the way who were married and were great sources of inspiration. We always tried to focus our discussions on things that were edifying and not sex-related. We just had the mind that keeping things uncomplicated was the best way to go. We ensured that we were not alone in private places so as to avoid any unnecessary invite to temptation.
Thank you guys so much! We are almost there now, tell us what one advice would you give to your single self in preparation for marriage now that you’ve crossed that line?
Sewa: Although I married at the age of 23, I would have probably spent more time volunteering in more ministerial projects such as youth empowerment. Also I would not have courted for 6 years, and would have probably married earlier.
Olaolu: The waiting would be all worth it in the end and I probably should have made more business investments… lol
Describe in 3 words / sentences the best part of being married!
Sewa: Companionship, Responsibility and being a home maker. Marriage is enjoyable with the right person in it. You feel complete. You feel whole. You feel fulfilled. Your whole world starts to make sense. You get that sense of TOGETHERNESS in everything you do. Always having a shoulder to lean on or a listening ear is awesome! And having someone who can share your pain, your thoughts, your highs and lows is a great feeling!
Olaolu: Sex, Children, Companionship and Friendship. Having my second half always there is a good feeling. Having my ‘go-to’ person is a gooood feeling. The saying two heads are better than one is a true wise saying.
|Two heads definitely better than one!|
Sewa: Baby, you are the best man on earth! I love you with all my heart. You complement me and complete me. You make my world go round. You give me constant joy. I don’t know how my life would have been without you in it. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I thank God that he made our paths to meet.
Olaolu: Blessed is the day I set my eyes on you Adesewa. If I had another opportunity in my lifetime to share my life with you again, I would grab it with both hands! I won’t trade you for anything in this world. Glad I stayed and waited till the end. I love you Baby mi, Aya Mi, Iyawo mi. You made my heart melt then and you still make my heart melt now. EVERY SINGLE DAY. I love you so much and I CAN'T SAY THAT ENOUGH! You are special to me in every sense of the word. Your passion for fashion is infectious…lol. I love you baby with all your sweet imperfections.
|Sewa the Fashionista! Follow her @adesewastylesignature on Instagram|
|@adesewastylesignature on Instagram|