Tuesday

KFB's heart-to-heart! 24 year old virgin who is supposed to wed this Thursday needs your advise!

Image result for kemi filani heart to heart
A KFBer sent this in moments ago, she needs your advice.
Kemi , it is me.....................................................please keep my identity private Biko.............................. i need help, i don't know what is wrong with me. I am getting married before the end of this year to a guy i think i am in love with.
I used "think i am in love with' because of recent times i feel drawn to another guy that i newly just met. My fiancee and I have been lovers for four years now and he is about 9 years older than I am. 

He is comfortable, has a a cool apartment on the Lagos Island and treats me well, in short everything has been going on well until when this new guy showed up a few months ago. This new guy is just a year older than I am and we are only friends but i want more than friendship with him. 

I enjoy gisting with him and chatting with him and hanging around him, my likeness for him is beyond likeness, i call it love, i am in love with him and now i am having doubts about my man whom i am supposed to wed in less than a month (early December for our trad and white wedding) but our court wedding is this Thursday and we have undergone all our counseling classes and i was happy with him until this new guy showed. 

Funny enough this new guy is not even as fine or matured as my man but i don't know why i enjoy being around him. 

I can't break up with my fiance because this new guy hasn't even asked me out yet or talked about love to me but we are so close and he treats my issues with utmost priority and to make matters worse,  I now talk longer to him on phone than to my own man...in short some people often tease us of our closeness sef. 

I woke up this morning feeling confused, i feel like i am not been fair to my fiance and at the same time i want more than just friendship from this new guy, so i decided to send you this mail. What should I do? Please no one should cuss me out, i am just a young confused 24 year old girl.
P.S I am still a virgin.

28 comments:

  1. Please do not take a decision that will make you lose both at the end.Go on your knees and ask God for direction.He will speak to you.Wish you the very best.

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    1. One trillion LIKES for your comments

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    2. I was going to say they same thing Mimi , that's the only thing she needs right now!

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  2. You and your fiance have been lovers for 4 years and you're still a virgin

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    1. What is 4 years? I dated my husband for 10 years and there was no sex until our wedding night two years ago. What about that?

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  3. Talk to you pastor if you attend a living church

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  4. My Dear, Better face the one you have known that has been working. Marriage is bigger than crush oooo. That new guy would spoil everything. LEAVE HIM ALONE and face the one that has been working...

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  5. Try spend more time with your fiancé, rekindle the love. talk about things that actually got you two together and try as much as possible to avoid this new guy, after all, he hasn't asked you out. most importantly, go to God for direction and be focused when talking to God. Don't get carried away.

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  6. My dear, the devil has showed up. See marriage is much beyond this new thing the new guy is showing you. Compatibility. Is not about feeling comfortable gist in. It might look like u are attracted but later u will see that you missed the main thing. Focus on ur fiance if he actually has nothing for you to worry about.

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  7. Your village people are playing ludo on your head.

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    1. LOL, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not LUDO, na CHESS. LOL

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  8. Follow your heart, a brken relationship is berra than a broken marriage. save your fiance the shame of a broken marriage and break up with him now rather than marrying him and cheating with him on the new guy cos what i can deduce her is that you never loved your hubby, cos if you were, you will not be attracted to any other man at all.

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    1. Really? So she leave a lover of four years for some random guy she just met. A random guy that is probably not going to be ready for marriage till he is 30 in five years time. Nah,, this your advise is pure evil abeg

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  9. I think she meant *before the end of this week* because I see Thursday before and end of the year.

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  10. Oh, I see I re-read that part, it's Thursday and the rest later.

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  11. This is hard o but what if the new guy doesn't have feelings for you and is just friend zoning you? Is the new guy single? Is he aware that you are engaged and about to Wed or you hid the fact from him?

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  12. Are you for real? You dated for four years and one guy(that didn't ask you out) show up and you're saying balderdash? No, I won't ask you to pray, I won't ask you to see/tell your pastor or Alfa or babalawo, but I'll tell you to use your d*mn sense.
    Let inform you in case you don't know, not every man wants sex/relationship from a lady, he might just want your friendship, and you're here about to Wed spitting trash about someone that doesn't want anything intimate(according to your narration👆, at least he hasn't say anything ) you better don't throw yourself at him so you don't regret it. Because, what I deduce in your write up(I might be wrong tho) is that if you're not a virgin, you would have initiated something between both of you.
    On the other hand, I know and believe this crush/infatuation is real and some temptation might happens (before wedding, or at some point in someone's life) please don't give in. I think you've been spending too much time with the guy, gist with your groom to be or friends, if you must gist.And if you gist with your "new guy" talk about something profitable,meaningful,or beneficial. Is he aware of your wedding? If he's not, tell him. Is your groom to be knows him?
    I'll just conclude that you're having feelings for him, because you spend too much time with him, what you have for him it's not real love. You love him, he's not (for now, not yet)in love with you, my dear love can't be one sided.
    Search your heart, ask yourself questions, do you really love your man? are you sure you're ready for marriage (it's not a child's play), is there anything this "new guy" giving you that's lacking in your marriage(so you don't end up cheating on ur hubby)...so many question in my head to ask you...lol.
    I wish all the best which ever way you swing... And congratulations in advance...✌

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  13. It is normal to relate better with your age group. You and your fiance need to work on communication or do you just want a daddy? Age is of the heart, let your fiance know you are drifting and why...first step to squashing cheating instinct. Wish u the best...but don't go on with marriage if you have a problem focusing on your spouse, there is a lot more temptation when you are married. It always seems greener on the other side but that is for one looking for greener pastures. Work on your pasture dear, tend it well and it becomes the envy of many.

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  14. I'm yet to understand why we fail to learn from what's happening in marriages globally, it all starts with this funny infatuation we call love, feelings, likeness and any other name we stylishly give it.

    Unfortunately after marriage you start having this feeling of regrets.but are you to be blame? In Genesis 2:23-And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Here is my view on this, immediately you see the man/woman, you are supposed to know if this person is yours or not. And most Bible believing churches will advise you seek the face of the Lord to know if this is him/her even when there love between both parties....you see, nobody wants to consult God for issues like this, but will rather consult him in times of hardships, times of pain or discomfort and the time when the marriage has failed.
    Some will file for divorce, some separation, others will just accept their faith and forever live in pain, suffering and sorrow as the case may be.
    I would have loved to stress more on this but I'm displeased within my spirit because this lady in question has somethings she is not telling here. Take for instance, 'did she asked God for guidance to the right man? When the first guy came did you ask God if he is the one? When he proposed did you ask God to direct your decision and choices? When you both planed for the deed days, did you commit the days ahead into Gods hand?, when you met the new guy did you tell the guy you were engaged?, when you were falling for his gist and company, did you ask if this is the lurst of the flesh and all.
    You're a Virgin doesn't mean you are a Saint, the Bible says "all have sin and have fallen short of the spirit of God and that we are all saved by grace. You're a Virgin because you understood the values of your dignity and because of God's grace.
    My people perish because they lack knowledge, they are destroyed because they lack understanding. Lack of knowledge is ignorance and lack of understanding is not telling yourself the truth by which you will be made free.
    If you sincerely give yourself the right answers to the questions, I bet you will come to agree with me that faith can move mountains and that what God has started he will never leave it unfinished rather he will perfect it. Be careful of what you wish for,in numbers 14:28..God said as you have spoken to my ears;so will I do to you. Read it from the top n you will get a better understanding. Good luck

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  15. Dear poster please pray and also think about it because throwing away your life/marriage because of one new guy is not worth it one bit!!!!

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  16. Pray and ask for God's direction. It's not how far but how well at the same time it's too short to call it love cos all u feel now is sweetness u and the new guy haven't tasted bitter waters together which you might have had with your fiance plus the fact that this new guy could be a test to see if u truly love your fiance . U know God works in diverse ways. Just trust him for his leading . It's good to know you're not being physical with any of them so to an extent your judgement isn't beclouded by sex but then think deeply . Marriage isnt dating no turning back . If you Don marry u Don marry . It might just be a fling cos flings and crushes are so intense that it could almost seem like love but very short-lived. More so search inwardly is there something your guy isn't doing that this new guy is? If yes try discussing it politely with your fiance letting him know whatever that action he isn't doing means a lot to u . Just be careful so you don't fall for infatuations and throw away the real deal . GOLD doesn't always come flashy they are often times hidden . The new guy might ignite some passion flash in you butight not be the real deal. Might not be with you for the long walk through life. U also mentioned he hasn't made any move of asking u out how then would u say he loves you. What if he's just keeping up with you because he's bored or ure just the next available girl for him . Just watch it and pray so you don't bite your fingers later .may God help you through the process. Amen

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  17. Hi dear, things are bound to happen. what you are experiencing is normal especially before a life commitment and distractions are bound to come. But in all honesty, marriage is far beyond feelings and gisting, it is equally far beyond the number of years you have been in a relationship. There are a lot to consider. First and fore most, do you believe and trust in God? If yes, He is your first point of consultation. Ask Him to direct you and pray to Him to cut off any destiny destroyers from your life. Also, Marriage needs a sincere communication. How do you feel comfortable expressing yourself to your finance. I understand that in Africa we attach so much to age and insecure when we are dealing with someone far older. But this is an issue you need to tackle first cos in marriage both of you are one and age does not matter anymore. You need to be comfortable expressing yourself to him and if you are not please discuss your concern with him and it is his responsibility to assure you and create that enabling and favorable environment for you to be comfortable to gist about anything with him. There are a lot to discuss but if you want there is this program I do watch on youtube it is very beneficial and it has made me a better person since I started watching the program. I think you will benefit from it. Please if you are watching this program concentrate on the advise of Judge Lynn. Do not focus on the issues the couple brought to the court. You and your man will greatly benefit from it. The program is called "Divorce court by Judge Lynn T.
    For now distance yourself from this new guy and go entirely on your knees. Nothing is too late for God to do. All the best dear and I wish you happy married life. Chears

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  18. Your confusion at this point if not well handled may cause you damages that will come with many regrets later in life. Marriage is spiritual and it's beyond being a virgin & communications. One thing that is certain is that God is never involved that's why you are confused and the qualities you extol in both men are just physical; you never look into their inner man. But I cld see some elements of goodness and godliness in one you wanted to marry, if with his maturity he refrained from sleeping with you in 4 years relationship: indeed there's God inside of him. As regards mr communicator, you are playing with seed of discord sent by the devil to derail you. Age is never the problem here comparing them is your impending calamity.
    All your chats and discussions are not on things that edifies the soul. Quiet sure he's been feeding your lust regularly and making you feel like a euphoria of a super lady, which the other guy has not done may be because of his faith or he wants to avoid temptations for both of you. Don't wait until the intruder stripped you off your honour (virginity), the only thing bigger than that is godliness but it is obviously absent at this point in your life; throughout your memo to us you never mentioned God and no place in your relationship was attributed to him.If a man wanted you as his wife is not cos you are a virgin cos virginity without godliness is vanity and never a great gain. I'm sure u are not the only virgin he has ever met. If you have parents that watch over you spiritually and the marriage is not meant to be, I'm sure they would have advised otherwise. If they allowed you to go ahead with him after seriously seeking God for a glorious future for you, then they've helped you where you've failed to spiritually discerned which man is your crown and glory. The communicator will one day talk you to the point of sleeping with him and thereafter leave cos what you did to the former guy you can as well do to him if you see another man that has a quality he lacks. God never give a complete or perfect man or woman but a seed to nurture to give you the kind of fruits you desire in your relationship. No one is made perfect but you can always build a bridge to connect the missing link with your man if you pray and open up to him on what areas you want him to be your fantasy. Everyone knows what is good including the devil. That's why he's called the accuser of brethren. You may be a church goer but your confusion shows you don't have relationship with Christ yet. And the final question you need to ask yourself at this point is what would Jesus do if he's in my shoe? If you can't relate with the former, if a lady treat your elder brother with such disdain after 4 years what would be your reaction? God help you; you may pick points from what people are saying here but ultimately take your case to God and seek spiritual guidance from true men of God filled with his spirit and truthfully open up so that God can faithfully open up to you as well.

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  19. He has not even asked you out. My dear, receive sense. Just try rekindle the love with your fiance. You'll be fine.

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  20. Your confusion at this point if not well handled may cause you damages that will come with many regrets later in life. Marriage is spiritual and it's beyond being a virgin & communications. One thing that is certain is that God is never involved that's why you are confused and the qualities you extol in both men are just physical; you never look into their inner man. But I cld see some elements of goodness and godliness in one you wanted to marry, if with his maturity he refrained from sleeping with you in 4 years relationship: indeed there's God inside of him. As regards mr communicator, you are playing with seed of discord sent by the devil to derail you. Age is never the problem here comparing them is your impending calamity.
    All your chats and discussions are not on things that edifies the soul. Quiet sure he's been feeding your lust regularly and making you feel like a euphoria of a super lady, which the other guy has not done may be because of his faith or he wants to avoid temptations for both of you. Don't wait until the intruder stripped you off your honour (virginity), the only thing bigger than that is godliness but it is obviously absent at this point in your life; throughout your memo to us you never mentioned God and no place in your relationship was attributed to him.If a man wanted you as his wife is not cos you are a virgin cos virginity without godliness is vanity and never a great gain. I'm sure u are not the only virgin he has ever met. If you have parents that watch over you spiritually and the marriage is not meant to be, I'm sure they would have advised otherwise. If they allowed you to go ahead with him after seriously seeking God for a glorious future for you, then they've helped you where you've failed to spiritually discerned which man is your crown and glory. The communicator will one day talk you to the point of sleeping with him and thereafter leave cos what you did to the former guy you can as well do to him if you see another man that has a quality he lacks. God never give a complete or perfect man or woman but a seed to nurture to give you the kind of fruits you desire in your relationship. No one is made perfect but you can always build a bridge to connect the missing link with your man if you pray and open up to him on what areas you want him to be your fantasy. Everyone knows what is good including the devil. That's why he's called the accuser of brethren. You may be a church goer but your confusion shows you don't have relationship with Christ yet. And the final question you need to ask yourself at this point is what would Jesus do if he's in my shoe? If you can't relate with the former, if a lady treat your elder brother with such disdain after 4 years what would be your reaction? God help you; you may pick points from what people are saying here but ultimately take your case to God and seek spiritual guidance from true men of God filled with his spirit and truthfully open up so that God can faithfully open up to you as well.

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