KFB's heart-to-heart! She is saving herself for her wedding night but does the "preambles"

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Hey Kemi, just wanna throw in this topic of discussion and find out your stand on this issue since you are an advocate of No-sex-before marriage (I am regular follower of your "waiting and loving it" series). You can publish it for everyone to contribute too but keep me anonymous please.

So here is the thing, I am a young Christian sister in my early 20s and have never had sex with any guy but I have done almost everything with my spouse, except for the SEX thing...we ABSTAIN from it because the Bible says SEX before marriage is wrong.

We kiss and have body contacts, we have seen our nakedness very well but he respects me enough not to penetrate cos he is saving me for our WEDDING NIGHT. My spouse will always say "this is just a preamble, we are not doing the main thing, I am not going to have sex with you till our wedding night but we need to do some little romance.....it is not a sin, you are my woman and I am your man, it is not written anywhere in the Bible that a little intimacy and kissing is bad...the Bible only says flee from all Sexual sin and we are not having SEX yet, so we are not commiting any crime...Body no be firewood o my dear" and I don't argue with him cos I feel he is more spiritual than me and he is a respected musical worker in his Pentecostal church.

I wasn't bothered about this until a conversation sprung up in a class meeting some days ago and i found out that some other ladies who claim to be "21st century virgins" do same thing and even go as far as smooching. They wear the holier than thou 'virgin" attitude because they do not have SEX yet they kiss and smooch...

Now my question is, can we (me and such ladies) still be called virgins despite having tried all these rubbish except having sex? Is it a sin to be intimate with your spouse, they always say Intimacy leads to sex but if you just do it on a surface level and avoid the sex part nko?



  1. No comment. Francisca and sweetheart get in here.LOL

  2. This is so funny but let me say something quick.

    This 21st century title is just a lie from the pit of hell to deceive Christians, it is either you are a virgin or not, there is nothing like 21st century virgin.

    1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

    You are committing sexual immorality. Fine, you will say ehn sebi you are abstaining from sex but what if you lose your guard one day during one of your smooching sessions.

    Everyday for the thief, one day for the owner.

    One day, it will get to the peak and you both will not be able to stop each other from going further. Usually that's how many christian young ladies lose their virginities.

    My advise is for you to stop all the kissing and smooching if you truly want to save yourself for marriage.

  3. SEX is the sin and since you are not having sex, i think you are safe. Every relationship needs a bit of intimacy, otherwise you wont know if you are sexually attracted to whom you are dating.

    1. True o. Someone I know once made a costly mistake of marrying an impotent brother in her church. It was after the wedding that she discovered that he couldn't do. They are now separated

  4. Flee from all sexual sins...

    I bet you know it's not just the act that is a sin, thinking about it is a sin too. So, what goes on in your head while you are 'romancing' each other? Praise worship? Of course not! The images, thoughts in your head at that point will be sexual acts. So, my dear, do not be deceived. Yea, you are still a virgin..physically. But in God's record, you are having sex in your head which is a sin.

    Masturbation might not be a sin but what you think of while masturbating to get you to climax qualifies that act as a sin.

    Let him that has ear..

    1. Debola, where have you been? Missed ya!

    2. Awwww. Thanks dearie. Missed ya too. Have bin around o. Been following updates and comments but just not commenting.

  5. My dear, thank you for speaking out. Please the bible says flee all appearance of evil, intimacy, smooching or whatever you call it is sin. If you can keep your virginity, please keep others too. Please I beg you, admonish you and also advise you stop it NOW. So that you wont regret it later. Shalom.

  6. Hmmmmmmm....this is deep but I will like to advice you from d book of 1Corinthians 3:16-17. Ur body z d temple of God...take note,ur body includes ur , buttocks, Virginia penis and evry oda part of it. So dnt try to separate any part of ur body from d odas.and moreover FLEE Youthful lust and appearance of EVIL.it z well dear.MADEA

  7. Hmmmm. This is a deep question. Don't strt wat u can't finish oh. E apnd to me once and I almost lost it. Flee from all youthful lusts, u guys r not having d actual sex, but all the kissing n smooching is for what? If ur doing something, do it wit all ur hrt, put ur all into it. Kissing n touching is to lighten d mood and create a romantic atmosphere for sex, u guys aren't married yet, at least one prsn shld have sense and stop the other. U guys r still sinning oh, don't even think ur righteous.
    One thing most pple donno z dtit might b hard atyms, buh its possible to control ur sexual appetite. Uve held ursef as a virgin for dz long, wah wud it take for u to hold on a lil longer? Aunty Kemi, pls cm n conclude dz topic biko.

  8. My dear let us call a spade a spade. Whether kissing or any form of romantic touch is sexual immorality whether there is penetration or not. Jesus said " The law says do not commit adultery but I tell you when you look at a woman lustfully you have committed adultery..." So it is not the act that makes it a sin but the intent in the heart. Sin start from the heart. Do not let your husband to be mislead you.
    Please do not get me wrong I am not innocent either. I cannot be in a relationship without romance but I do not tell my partner that it is not a sin and we are not committing any sexual immorality. Your husband to be is lying probably due to ignorance . So you need to enlighten him and if it is something you don't want let him know but if you are fine with the romance also let him know but he should stop lying to you that it is not a sin and even misquoting the scripture to you.
    Your question of whether you are still a virgin or not I will say yes you are still a virgin because there was no sexual penetration yet. Check the English dictionary of virginity. Thank you.

  9. My dear stop this smootching...necking...petting....fingering and whatever you might call it. You can't be doing all these things and still claim to be a Virgin! Trust me you av lost your virginity. Let me share a bit of my personal Experience with you. I went into the University as a virgin...though I dated a guy before going into the university but we never had any kind of intimacy BTW us. So when I got into d university I fell in luv with a guy in my 1st yr...we dated for about 4yrs b4 I broke up with him when I caught him cheating. In between these years we were not having proper sex but we did every other thing u can think of. We did all d fingerings in this world and unknowingly to me....I had lost my virginity in d process of too much fingering without knowing. So when I finally met my then fiance..now my husband....I told him I was a virgin but to cut the long story short...the day hubby and I had sex 4 d 1st time....he was disappointed. He said I lied to him that I was a Virgin but I said I dint lie..bla...bla...bla. Up till today he still thinks I lied but the truth is that I never had sex before I met him... so you see what am talking aboutI thought I was a virgin bcos my ex boyfriend and I never had proper sex..but we were practicing Deep foreplay that cost me my virginity. So if you wanna remain a virgin...don't indulge urslf in any kind of foreplay. I know it's not easy..but total abstain acne is the best! Sorry 4 d epistle

    1. A billion likes! Thanks for sharing!

  10. Which one is 21st century virgin?...lol. Well, I don't know If it's a sin or not. But I believe what worth doing is worth doing well,If you're abstaining, you do it completely.

    1. Abi o....heaven or hell, no sitting on the fence!


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