Veteran Nollywood actor, Bob-Manuel
Udokwu, has been married to Cassandra, an educationist, for 16 years.
They share their love story with JAYNE AUGOYE.
Udokwu, has been married to Cassandra, an educationist, for 16 years.
They share their love story with JAYNE AUGOYE.
How did you meet your husband?
Cassandra: Our paths
crossed at the University of Lagos. I was an undergraduate while he was
studying for a master’s degree. He was a regular caller at my hostel
because his classmate, whom I used to refer to as his girlfriend,
resided there. However, anytime I saw him around, I always greeted him.
crossed at the University of Lagos. I was an undergraduate while he was
studying for a master’s degree. He was a regular caller at my hostel
because his classmate, whom I used to refer to as his girlfriend,
resided there. However, anytime I saw him around, I always greeted him.
Was it a case of love at first sight?
Bob-Manuel: It wasn’t a
case of storybook love at first sight. I was struck by her height and
the fact that she walked like a model. I had to ask her if she was one. I
was already a movie star when our paths crossed.
case of storybook love at first sight. I was struck by her height and
the fact that she walked like a model. I had to ask her if she was one. I
was already a movie star when our paths crossed.
So, who made the first move?
Cassandra: My husband
did. We ran into each other on several occasions and then one day, he
saw me walking towards UNILAG gate and gave me a lift to Alaba, where I
resided with my sister.
did. We ran into each other on several occasions and then one day, he
saw me walking towards UNILAG gate and gave me a lift to Alaba, where I
resided with my sister.
He was on his way to FESTAC, but he
didn’t ask me out on that day. We met yet again at the same spot and
offered me a ride home. We got talking and became friends.
didn’t ask me out on that day. We met yet again at the same spot and
offered me a ride home. We got talking and became friends.
Were you single and searching at the time?
Bob-Manuel: I wasn’t
single and searching. I was more interested in getting another degree.
However, somewhere at the back of my mind, I was open to finding love or
going into a relationship.
single and searching. I was more interested in getting another degree.
However, somewhere at the back of my mind, I was open to finding love or
going into a relationship.
Were you comfortable dating an actor?
Cassandra: The fact that he was and still a celebrity didn’t pose any threat to me.
How did the relationship progress?
Cassandra: He paid me a
surprise visit at my sister’s church. After the service, he asked if he
could take me somewhere. It turned out to be his brother’s place and
his family welcomed me in a warm manner.
surprise visit at my sister’s church. After the service, he asked if he
could take me somewhere. It turned out to be his brother’s place and
his family welcomed me in a warm manner.
At what point did he propose?
Cassandra: He proposed
on the same day he took me to his brother’s house. He told me that he
asked God for certain qualities in a woman and he had found them in me.
He then asked me to be the mother of his children and I cried. He was
shocked at my reaction but unknown to him, I cried because my parents
had just passed on. I asked for some time to think about it and consult
with God.
on the same day he took me to his brother’s house. He told me that he
asked God for certain qualities in a woman and he had found them in me.
He then asked me to be the mother of his children and I cried. He was
shocked at my reaction but unknown to him, I cried because my parents
had just passed on. I asked for some time to think about it and consult
with God.
When did you realise that she was going to be your wife?
Bob-Manuel: It had to
do with my instincts especially as I had realised that it was time I
took our relationship to the next level. It didn’t take time for me to
make up my mind. From our small talks, her mannerisms and of course
through prayers, I knew in no time that she was the right woman for me.
do with my instincts especially as I had realised that it was time I
took our relationship to the next level. It didn’t take time for me to
make up my mind. From our small talks, her mannerisms and of course
through prayers, I knew in no time that she was the right woman for me.
What is the most memorable moment in your union?
Cassandra: My
traditional marriage remains a very significant event in my life. Having
lost four members of my family in a day to poisoning, I thought I
wasn’t going to get married. Then my husband came, along and we wedded
in less than one year. I thought my family would be stigmatised but God
had better plans for me. Another memorable moment was when I had my
first daughter. I wanted my husband to be by my side and God granted my
wish. When my husband came inside the theatre, our daughter was
delivered into his arms.
traditional marriage remains a very significant event in my life. Having
lost four members of my family in a day to poisoning, I thought I
wasn’t going to get married. Then my husband came, along and we wedded
in less than one year. I thought my family would be stigmatised but God
had better plans for me. Another memorable moment was when I had my
first daughter. I wanted my husband to be by my side and God granted my
wish. When my husband came inside the theatre, our daughter was
delivered into his arms.
Bob-Manuel: It was my first experience and it changed my life in a big way.
Your wife is conservative while you are in the spotlight…
Bob-Manuel: My wife and I have similar traits so we are like a match made in heaven. Our home is very quiet and devoid of any distractions.
How do you handle all the attention that comes with being the wife of a celebrity?
Cassandra: Being
married to a spouse who is not always around or a celebrity is not easy.
However, our foundation has been made easy for both of us. Being an
educationist has afforded me ample time for our children, my husband and
myself.
married to a spouse who is not always around or a celebrity is not easy.
However, our foundation has been made easy for both of us. Being an
educationist has afforded me ample time for our children, my husband and
myself.
How do you handle attention from the opposite sex?
Bob-Manuel: I have
absolutely no problem with my female fans. Some people ask me how I cope
with female fans and I tell them that ‘cope’ is a wrong word. When you
cope with something it means you struggle that particular thing. I have
no problem with my female fans. As an actor, my fan base comprises
females and children. Without my female fans and children, I won’t be
the star that I am.
absolutely no problem with my female fans. Some people ask me how I cope
with female fans and I tell them that ‘cope’ is a wrong word. When you
cope with something it means you struggle that particular thing. I have
no problem with my female fans. As an actor, my fan base comprises
females and children. Without my female fans and children, I won’t be
the star that I am.
Cassandra: Over the
years, I have handled my husband’s female fans in a civil and mature
manner. I always tell him that he is lucky to have female fans.
years, I have handled my husband’s female fans in a civil and mature
manner. I always tell him that he is lucky to have female fans.
Yours is a long distance
marriage. How do you keep the romance in your marriage alive since you
both live in different countries?
marriage. How do you keep the romance in your marriage alive since you
both live in different countries?
Bob-Manuel: It’s also
about understanding, when partners are made for each other there are
certain sacrifices they both have to make in their marriage. We talk to
each other not less than twice in a day even when I travel abroad.
Sometimes, a text message can suffice. Whenever I am not recording, when
I wake up in the morning, I talk to my family and review the day’s
activity. We also catch up during the day and when I am home, I try to
make up for not being around by bonding with my family.
about understanding, when partners are made for each other there are
certain sacrifices they both have to make in their marriage. We talk to
each other not less than twice in a day even when I travel abroad.
Sometimes, a text message can suffice. Whenever I am not recording, when
I wake up in the morning, I talk to my family and review the day’s
activity. We also catch up during the day and when I am home, I try to
make up for not being around by bonding with my family.
Cassandra: I will
support him wherever his job takes him to. Distance is not an issue as
he calls me more than six times a day and I also pay him regular visits.
support him wherever his job takes him to. Distance is not an issue as
he calls me more than six times a day and I also pay him regular visits.
Who is stricter between the two of you?
Bob-Manuel: We both do
our bit as parents but I think my wife is stricter since she spends more
time with the kids. I don’t believe in spanking especially as the kids
are growing. Sometimes, a good talk does the job
our bit as parents but I think my wife is stricter since she spends more
time with the kids. I don’t believe in spanking especially as the kids
are growing. Sometimes, a good talk does the job
Cassandra: I am the stricter.
How do you handle disagreements?
Cassandra: I was once
temperamental but Bob has made me a more patient and calmer person. We
trash out any misunderstanding as it occurs and never go to bed angry.
temperamental but Bob has made me a more patient and calmer person. We
trash out any misunderstanding as it occurs and never go to bed angry.
Do you have access to each other’s phone?
Cassandra: Yes we do
and we answer each other’s phone calls when the need arises. Women tend
to develop a lot of anxiety as a result of going through their spouse’s
phone. It is totally uncalled for so couples must learn to trust each
other.
and we answer each other’s phone calls when the need arises. Women tend
to develop a lot of anxiety as a result of going through their spouse’s
phone. It is totally uncalled for so couples must learn to trust each
other.
Do you own a joint account?
Bob-Manuel: No we don’t
and it is not an issue for us. Moreover, I think the foundation of a
marriage matters a lot. My wife and I listen in to some radio programmes
and hear people making a mountain out of a molehill over trivial issues
like owning a joint account. I, for instance, taught my wife how to
drive and she drives like man and also helped her open her bank account.
Owning a joint account is not proof of love. My wife knows when I am
down financially because I tell her.
and it is not an issue for us. Moreover, I think the foundation of a
marriage matters a lot. My wife and I listen in to some radio programmes
and hear people making a mountain out of a molehill over trivial issues
like owning a joint account. I, for instance, taught my wife how to
drive and she drives like man and also helped her open her bank account.
Owning a joint account is not proof of love. My wife knows when I am
down financially because I tell her.
Do you also disclose your acting fees to your wife?
Bob-Manuel: There is no
film I shoot or project I am involved in that I don’t tell her how much
I’m being paid or offered. That is why I can confidently give her my
ATM card and ask her to withdraw a certain amount without nursing any
reservations. I am only able to do this because I trust my wife.
film I shoot or project I am involved in that I don’t tell her how much
I’m being paid or offered. That is why I can confidently give her my
ATM card and ask her to withdraw a certain amount without nursing any
reservations. I am only able to do this because I trust my wife.
How have you been able to stay away from scandals?
Bob-Manuel: I carry
myself with dignity, self-respect and professionalism. As my career
progressed, I learnt from the experiences of others, which may be
unfortunate. I also had to determine not to go down that route. So, I
deliberately walk away from situations that will bring out certain
unpleasant results.
myself with dignity, self-respect and professionalism. As my career
progressed, I learnt from the experiences of others, which may be
unfortunate. I also had to determine not to go down that route. So, I
deliberately walk away from situations that will bring out certain
unpleasant results.
Are you comfortable taking up romantic roles?
Bob-Manuel: In playing
such roles, I’m very conscious. When I have to play steamy scenes, I
discuss it with the director and we work it out in how the screenwriter
wants it portrayed without being obnoxious. I also remove my wedding
band whenever I am about to go to bed.
such roles, I’m very conscious. When I have to play steamy scenes, I
discuss it with the director and we work it out in how the screenwriter
wants it portrayed without being obnoxious. I also remove my wedding
band whenever I am about to go to bed.
Why do you take off your ring every night?
Bob-Manuel: I do so
simple because I don’t want to have that mark which comes about as a
result of wearing a wedding ring especially when I have to play certain
roles. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes when I have to play the role
of a bachelor and the ring has left an impression on my ring finger. It
kills the picture I am trying to create. I also feel uncomfortable
having any jewellery on when I am supposed to be resting.
simple because I don’t want to have that mark which comes about as a
result of wearing a wedding ring especially when I have to play certain
roles. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes when I have to play the role
of a bachelor and the ring has left an impression on my ring finger. It
kills the picture I am trying to create. I also feel uncomfortable
having any jewellery on when I am supposed to be resting.
What would you love to change about your spouse?
Cassandra: I love him just the way he is.
Bob-Manuel: If I could,
I would ask her to tone down the way she criticises me when I am
getting out of shape. But I don’t think I would love her to stop
critiquing me because it keeps me in check. Anytime I gain weight, my
wife would tease me and ask if I want to play ‘old peoples roles.’ My
wife is one of the reasons why I have remained on top of my game as an
actor.
I would ask her to tone down the way she criticises me when I am
getting out of shape. But I don’t think I would love her to stop
critiquing me because it keeps me in check. Anytime I gain weight, my
wife would tease me and ask if I want to play ‘old peoples roles.’ My
wife is one of the reasons why I have remained on top of my game as an
actor.