Media personality Toke Makinwa covers the latest edition of Glam Africa Magazine and talks about cheating and more.
Read excerpts of the interview below:
Where does Toke Makinwa see herself in 5 years?
I am working towards being a global brand. I want my name
to have gained international status in 5 years. I am also working on my
own talk show, which I pray will be huge.I want to have written a number of lifestyle books and I am working
on launching my own label brands. I am laying the foundations of all of
these aspirations of mine now and I can only pray towards achieving them
all and more.
One of your most recent projects has taken Nigeria (and
indeed the rest of the African world) by storm – your YouTube series
Toke Moments. Did you expect it to make such an impact?
The series was not something I took seriously at first… I
didn’t realise it would be so successful. No one seems to talk about
the problems they have and I wanted to be the friend in your head, to
voice what you normally wouldn’t.I wanted to connect with people on a different level.
You discuss a lot on s*x and relationships. Do you believe a
couple can be in love but not feel physically attracted to each other?
I have come to understand that love is beyond what we
think it is. In our generation, what we define love to be can come
across as superficial and, in most cases, unrealistic. Love is
friendship that grows. It takes a lot of work to love someone, even when
they’re at their lowest; it’s not for the faint-hearted. Love is a
conscious thought; it is constantly forgiving and looking beyond flaws.
So yes, I believe that attraction is fleeting and it is possible to love
someone that you don’t desire physically. But as time passes, love
grows.A lot of our parent’s marriages were arranged. In the past that
happened a lot but they somehow made it work. It is a selfless act only
for people who know that it’s not all a walk in the park. Life happens.
You might fall for someone for their physical attributes, but then what
happens if there is an accident? If they don’t look the same? If they
stop being attractive? Do you then move on? Attraction is a blessing
it’s an extra topping; not what defines the cake.
Do you think it is possible for married or ‘taken’ men to
genuinely have a female ‘best friend’ and maintain a platonic
relationship with her?
People say it is possible but I use myself as an example.
I have never had a male friend who didn’t fancy me at some point. In as
much as I would love to say guys and girls can just be friends, I don’t
believe in it. It starts from someone wanting more and maybe in the
process they then build a friendship that is more important to both
parties; they choose to develop that.I feel that we are wired differently and I am of the opinion that
your partner should be your best friend. God made Adam for Eve, and not
Eva, Evelyn and Everett…The moment your partner gets comfortable having a
best friend that is not you, it is just leaving room for an unnecessary
story. Don’t get me wrong, he is allowed to have female acquaintances
and people he is friendly with, but I don’t believe his best friend
should be another female. If she’s your best friend, what am I?
Do you believe in the saying, ‘once a cheat always a cheat’? Or do you believe in second chances?
Matters of the heart are tough, incredibly tough.
Cheating is bad; it is a cancer that eats you up; it destroys
everything. You see a confident woman become a shadow of herself when
she has been cheated on. It is one of the most painful things, ever and
though some people make it work, it definitely cannot be the same again.
It is like a broken mirror, the cracks will always be there but in
time, the scar can become beautiful and a place only of reference, not a
destination.People can come back from it. If both parties are willing and if the
cheat understands what his or her actions cost their partner. And of
course, with the grace of God, watching another person suffer for the
choice you selfishly made is so heart breaking – that is what cheating
does. People grow up, people change [and] everyone deserves a second
chance as we ask God for forgiveness daily, but it may not be with each
other. Sometimes the brokenness is irreparable and you can forgive
someone without being in their lives
WRITER: Ama Badu | PHOTOGRAPHY: Paul Ukonu | STYLIST: Yummie Ogbebor of S_B_YouMe | HAIR: Bernard Smiles | MUA: Anita Brows |Dress: H&M