Media personality Toke Makinwa covers the latest edition of Glam Africa Magazine and talks about cheating and more.
Read excerpts of the interview below:
Where does Toke Makinwa see herself in 5 years?
I am working towards being a global brand. I want my name to have gained international status in 5 years. I am also working on my own talk show, which I pray will be huge.One of your most recent projects has taken Nigeria (and indeed the rest of the African world) by storm – your YouTube series Toke Moments. Did you expect it to make such an impact?
I want to have written a number of lifestyle books and I am working on launching my own label brands. I am laying the foundations of all of these aspirations of mine now and I can only pray towards achieving them all and more.
The series was not something I took seriously at first… I didn’t realise it would be so successful. No one seems to talk about the problems they have and I wanted to be the friend in your head, to voice what you normally wouldn’t.You discuss a lot on s*x and relationships. Do you believe a couple can be in love but not feel physically attracted to each other?
I wanted to connect with people on a different level.
I have come to understand that love is beyond what we think it is. In our generation, what we define love to be can come across as superficial and, in most cases, unrealistic. Love is friendship that grows. It takes a lot of work to love someone, even when they’re at their lowest; it’s not for the faint-hearted. Love is a conscious thought; it is constantly forgiving and looking beyond flaws. So yes, I believe that attraction is fleeting and it is possible to love someone that you don’t desire physically. But as time passes, love grows.Do you think it is possible for married or ‘taken’ men to genuinely have a female ‘best friend’ and maintain a platonic relationship with her?
A lot of our parent’s marriages were arranged. In the past that happened a lot but they somehow made it work. It is a selfless act only for people who know that it’s not all a walk in the park. Life happens. You might fall for someone for their physical attributes, but then what happens if there is an accident? If they don’t look the same? If they stop being attractive? Do you then move on? Attraction is a blessing it’s an extra topping; not what defines the cake.
People say it is possible but I use myself as an example. I have never had a male friend who didn’t fancy me at some point. In as much as I would love to say guys and girls can just be friends, I don’t believe in it. It starts from someone wanting more and maybe in the process they then build a friendship that is more important to both parties; they choose to develop that.Do you believe in the saying, ‘once a cheat always a cheat’? Or do you believe in second chances?
I feel that we are wired differently and I am of the opinion that your partner should be your best friend. God made Adam for Eve, and not Eva, Evelyn and Everett…The moment your partner gets comfortable having a best friend that is not you, it is just leaving room for an unnecessary story. Don’t get me wrong, he is allowed to have female acquaintances and people he is friendly with, but I don’t believe his best friend should be another female. If she’s your best friend, what am I?
Matters of the heart are tough, incredibly tough. Cheating is bad; it is a cancer that eats you up; it destroys everything. You see a confident woman become a shadow of herself when she has been cheated on. It is one of the most painful things, ever and though some people make it work, it definitely cannot be the same again. It is like a broken mirror, the cracks will always be there but in time, the scar can become beautiful and a place only of reference, not a destination.
People can come back from it. If both parties are willing and if the cheat understands what his or her actions cost their partner. And of course, with the grace of God, watching another person suffer for the choice you selfishly made is so heart breaking – that is what cheating does. People grow up, people change [and] everyone deserves a second chance as we ask God for forgiveness daily, but it may not be with each other. Sometimes the brokenness is irreparable and you can forgive someone without being in their lives
WRITER: Ama Badu | PHOTOGRAPHY: Paul Ukonu | STYLIST: Yummie Ogbebor of S_B_YouMe | HAIR: Bernard Smiles | MUA: Anita Brows |Dress: H&M